On Sunday night, Scarlett and I were at a party. We arrived shortly after 5, and by 6:10 I knew it was time to pack up and go - bedtime is at 7 and Scarlett was fussing due to her tooth and close to bedtime. Plus, she had a very early dinner to make it to the party on time (she ate at 4:30 instead of 5:15). I asked an acquaintance to hold her while I put on my shoes, and I prefaced it by saying, "she's going to cry" due to her making strange. A close friend of mine (who has opted not to have kids) started to walk with the person holding Scarlett - they walked away from me, which started to upset Scarlett even more. I called them back to me and took Scarlett back, and she calmed down. My friend (who does not have kids) made the comment, "she's not really crying". As if she was saying that my little baby is faking it. I responded with, "Scarlett doesn't have tears." Parent or no parent, this is my child and not anyone else's to make comments about. Whether or not she only wants her mommy is my business and no one else's. And making strange is a very normal thing babies go through - it shows she knows who is and who is not her family. But, Scarlett really doesn't have tears.
Then, another friend and I were talking on the phone. She has been using Tracey Hogg's The Baby Whisperer as her guide. I've written before about how I read different books and in the end I always follow my instinct with Scarlett. My friend's baby is 4 months. She told me she is trying to get her on a "4 hour schedule" - I did write about how Scarlett feeds every 2 hours and I questioned how these books suggest that they should be on 4 hours - several of you reassured me that I know my baby best. Okay, so my friend said that she is trying to get her baby on a 4 hour schedule. I told her that Scarlett has always eaten every 2 hours. My friend responded with, "Scarlett is a 'snacker'". Snacker is the term Tracey Hogg uses for babies that eat too often. Let me tell you, Scarlett is no snacker. I should write out how much she eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, on top of her regular breastfeeds. She seems to have the same metabolism that I do....I eat very regularly. I know my friend did not mean any harm, but I get upset when people tell me about my parenting. I would never tell anyone how to parent their child.
I know that face. Chase makes it too when he's unhappy about something. He has several cries for different things. There's what I call the "fake cry" which is a dry-eye wail that comes after he makes that face and it is really more about him communicating to me that he doesn't like something as opposed to "faking." There's his "Mommy I'm hurt" cry that involves tears (why doesn't Scarlett have tears?) and shatters my heart into a million pieces. There's his "pay attention to ME!" grunt/holler, accompanied by a furrowed brow that he uses to get out of bed in the mornings lol. A huge smile usually follows when I get him. And then there's his "I'm scared" cry that also involves tears, but is more anxious sounding and happens when I run the garbage disposal or when the dog loses her shit and freaks out at someone at knocking on the door.
ReplyDelete*shrug* it is very annoying to have people tell you how to do things; especially when it comes to parenting your kid. There's always an underlying "you fail" tone. So no matter what's "right" or "wrong" you are justified in your feelings and try not to let it get to you. I have done a lot more eyerolling since Chase was born. I try to tell myself this: He's fat, he's happy and the pediatrician hasn't called social services. We're all good. Everyone else can piss off.
Those comments would have bothered me too. You know your kid better than anyone & no one has the right to question you about anything to do with your daughter.
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