So many things happening...

Last week I wrote a really exciting post about my first u/s...but then some helpful readers informed me that the picture I posted had my personal information - thank you so much!!! Instead of just removing the picture my entire blog entry disappeared....

The basics were that the first u/s at 6w2d showed a baby with a strong heartbeat of 129bpm. I don't know if I mentioned before that the reason I had an earlier u/s than 7w was b/c I had brown discharge in the middle of my fifth week. Everything turned out to be fine.

I have my 7w2d u/s on Tuesday (it's Sunday night now)...that's supposed to be my official first u/s. Things have been fine...I've had plenty of pregnancy symptoms: sore and large boobs (especially for my tiny frame), aversion to all of my favourite vegetables (can't eat a single veggie), can only stomach breads and pastas, and nausea.

But again tonight, I have that lovely brown spotting that sends me into a panic...totally freaks me out and makes me think that something is wrong...and maybe there is. Most of the online research says that brown discharge is old blood and nothing to be afraid of...and I'm hoping that's true...but it makes me insane. And I know I just have to get through tomorrow and then is my u/s on Tuesday afternoon.

It's amazing how attached I already am to this little thing inside of me. The idea of not having it growing in me devastates me...and makes me think of all of the women who have suffered m/c in the past....until pregnant, I never understood how awful it must be for women to go through.

I'm just hoping that the brown discharge is telling me to slow down - today was a busy day as I officially moved into my new place - I'm here right now procrastinating bedtime b/c I'm thinking too much.

And I've been an emotional wreck...I am crying at every little thing...and considering I've been living on my own for five years, I don't know why it was so hard for me to move out of my parents' house into my new place now...especially knowing they are just down the street.

On top of all of this: I have this feeling of isolation. No one knows what I'm going through except for a select few people. It is very isolating. I have made tons of excuses to people for why I can't do certain things...I just hope this pregnancy carries through and I can finally start sharing my news with people.

On that note, I'm off to check obsessively one more time before I try to call it a night, before going to check obsessively again :)

Good night from my new home.

Two weeks until u/s

I'm exactly two weeks away from my u/s. I wish I could go in for b/w to make sure everything is still going fine....but I can't. I'm pretty sure things are okay. I'm getting a little more nauseas every day...I'm much more tired in the evenings than I used to be...and I have aversions to sweet potatoes (which was my favourite food until just recently). I can't even stand to say the word, or to see one in front of me. I'm also having really hard times at dinner deciding what to eat. Hopefully these are all good signs...and my boobs continue to hurt.

But I have too much going on now...my place is my place - I have cable and phone and internet, and most of my furniture is there...but I can't get the strength to finish moving in and actually live there...so I continue to live with mommy and daddy - which will have to stop soon, b/c I've moved a lot of my stuff over there already.

Plus, the amount of school work I have to do, and report cards, and gearing up for moving classrooms....I can't take it!

Today I told my first person about my pregnancy - my dental hygienist...and she was terrific. She teared up and hugged me....it was really nice....considering NO ONE AT ALL KNOWS I'M TTC, this went really well. She's also an outside source who only sees me 3 times a year, but still :)

I'm hoping I don't shock any of my friends too badly, or that I don't lose any friends in this process - you never know if people take things personally that I didn't confide in them. The way I see it, I'm single and I didn't want anyone's outside opinion on this.

Can't write more now.

Moving Day and Beta #3!!!!

This has been a very long and tiring day. I started my day at the clinic for my 3rd beta test. I am only 13 days post transfer. My beta on Sunday was 525, and today, Wednesday, I jumped to 1741! That's more than tripling in 3 days. This does reassure me quite a bit...but I still know that I'm going to worry about everything until the 7 week u/s (booked on June 1). Until then, although I think it could be twins with such high numbers, it could also be one really nice embryo snuggling into my uterus :)

The rest of my day has been very hectic, going to storage and then my parents' house and then the new place with the movers, and spending the rest of the day starting to unpack. I'm back at my parents' house now (and I'm sure I'll be here for a few more days at least), and I'm just looking forward to watching the Next Top Model finale and climbing into bed.

Oh, new symptoms: I now have really thick blue veins running down my chest towards my nipples....finally I see some physical changes! This is very exciting!

Beta #2 - 24 hours later!!!

This morning I went back to the clinic to have a pelvic exam. My RE told me I should have another Beta today, even though it was only 24 hours later, and then I could wait until Wednesday for my next beta and to book my 7wk u/s.

You won't believe how high the numbers jumped in 24 hours - I'm now up to 525 and today was supposed to be my official test day.

They are pretty confident it's twins. I don't want to get carried away - it's still so early in the game but I can't help but start thinking ahead.

BETA RESULTS ARE SUPER HIGH!!!

This morning I called the nurse at my clinic and told her my situation. She told me to put myself out of my misery and come in for my beta test and to speak to the RE. Unfortunately I had taken a suppository this morning so the doctor couldn't do a pelvic on me so I have to go back tomorrow.

My nurse just called me a little while ago to tell me my first Beta scores....362! And I'm only 14 days past "fake ovulation" and 9 days past transfer. All of the nurses were calling out congratulations to me and my nurse told me that even my RE had a huge smile on his face and said "I told you it would work."

My mom is concerned that I shouldn't have this examination tomorrow...but I told her not to worry and that my RE hasn't made any mistakes yet. Plus, it can't harm the baby(ies)....can it? He just wants to make sure my cervix is okay.

OMGosh...this could be twins....am I up for this? Of course I am....but is my new place ready for 3 bodies instead of one? And what kind of car is going to be big enough to hold a double stroller....geez, I'm getting ahead of myself...I haven't even seen if the numbers are doubling properly.

...still hasn't sunk in

It still hasn't fully sunk in yet, and I guess it won't until my beta #s come back on Sunday and Tuesday.

I'm a little bit troubled now though, b/c I had another brown splotch this afternoon. Is this something bad or is it just that my second little embryo has settled in a little late and now I'm getting more implantation bleeding? It makes me worry...I guess I will always worry now :)

It can't be af, b/c I don't get af...no ovulation = no af...it will take me stopping the progesterone for af to arrive....but could it be one of the embryos is unsticking?

This is a major roller coaster of emotions when I just want to celebrate.

What I really need is a very good night's sleep. I can't believe I still have another full day until my beta test. LOL, imagine if I hadn't tested this morning how crazy I would really be.

BFP!!!!!!

I woke up this morning and got ready to test...and I heard my mom's voice calling to me "have you tested yet?" Remember, I live at my parents' house for only a couple more days. So I PIAC and got ready. My mom watched me dunk in the tip of the tester and I counted to five - in typical mom fashion, she told me I counted too fast :) The test instructions said to wait 3 minutes, but almost immediately the double line showed saying I had a BFP!!!

So, now I'm 3w6d. Mother's Day is my beta test #1 and I assume I'll have a beta #2 on Tuesday. I'm not working Monday or Wednesday. All I can do now is try to get this little embryo(s) to hang on for another 8 weeks through the first trimester as I get through the most stressful time with moving and then finishing school and moving classrooms....aaaahhhhh! Stay calm!

But for today, I can happily yell BFP!!!! Woohoo!

I BOUGHT A TEST!!!

Tomorrow morning I will take my first HPT....I'm thinking that it's going to be a BFP - my newest symptom today was my regular vertigo was totally back and intensified...I haven't felt dizzy like this since last year when I actually was suffering from vertigo...and I also had nausea off and on all day today.

Tomorrow morning I test! Luckily the pack I bought has 2 in it...if it's negative, I'll test again Saturday morning. I just can't take it any more...I can't sleep and there's just too much going on in my life.

If anyone wants advice about the best time to TTC, it's NOT when you are closing on a brand new place (that has some things that aren't exactly how you thought they would be) and don't have everything ready for moving in, and are about to start term 3 report cards along with placing kids for next year and scrambling to teaching and assess units.

If this pregnancy is a go, I will be very impressed with my body...

But this has been the longest week of my life (my transfer was a week ago today). I will post tomorrow with my news. I'm nauseas just thinking about it!!!

I'm almost positive...

....that it's implantation bleeding...what was a tinge of pink yesterday turned into a splotch of brown today. Online it says that once you see the implantation bleeding you can go ahead and test....so I think I'm going to buy a test tomorrow and test on Friday morning. My beta is on Mother's Day which is Sunday, but I really can't take this anymore...this has been the longest week in history. To all of you who have endured this torture multiple times, my hat goes off to you. But I'm thinking that this implantation bleeding is telling me something really good. In fact, I wish I had a test here tonight so I could test tomorrow morning. But it's probably a good thing to wait at least one more day....ugh, but then my mind goes to "but what if it shows negative?" Or what if it's a false negative? I'll decide tomorrow.

And still another symptom

First of all, I can't believe how slowly time drags when you want it to fly by. It's almost Wednesday (once I climb into bed and sleep)...and then I only have a few days left....I'LL NEVER MAKE IT!

But, I have yet another symptom, be it very miniscule....I think I have very very very slight implantation bleeding. I noticed it earlier today as just a pinkish colour on my liner...but there was nothing else, so I wrote it off as nothing...but tonight after dinner, I noticed it again (fresh liner)....it's definitely just a tiny bit pink...but again, nothing else.

Call me crazy...I'm probably reading too much into it....like with my hair (maybe my parents' house is just too humid with the rising temps and the fact that it's really warm in here now)....but it's something that gets me through each day.

AND THE NEWEST SYMPTOM

Normally my hair dries very quickly after a shower. I leave it up in a towel for a few minutes, take it down and brush it out and dry it. Drying it usually takes only a few minutes followed by a quick straightening with the flat iron.

Not this morning. My hair took forever to dry...it felt so thick. And then, after I flat ironed my hair, it was still so thick...I don't have thick hair. I had to flat iron it a second time - and even still it is not the way it usually is....I HAVE THICK HAIR!

I called my mom from school and told her, and she basically laughed at me and chalked it up to another one of my imaginary symptoms. But, when I arrived home (b/c I don't move to my new place until next Wednesday) she couldn't stop looking at my hair....it is so thick!

So, tell me please - is this another imaginary symptom? Could I be making my hair thick just with my thoughts? Is this just a coincidence?

I know I'm only 4 days post transfer...although it feels like a lifetime...but could these changes be legitimate?

And, as I was leaving tutoring tonight the mom said to me, "No wonder you look so happy today." She was referring to me mentioning my upcoming move. To be honest, I'm not brimming with excitement over it yet (not until I have my inspection on Thursday)....do I have the early pregnancy glow?

Gosh, if these results aren't positive I'm going to crash really hard, aren't I?

Before I go to bed...

...I just wanted to say that when I wake up tomorrow there will only be 6 days until I test. Tomorrow I will also be 3w2d PUPO. :)

Symptoms for today - still not sleeping well - probably due to the fact that I have so much going on in my mind (TTC, moving, work). I woke up in the night boiling hot. Could it be the temperatures outside are rising or my own body temperature? Today I was thirsty - but I'm never thirsty, I don't drink during the day. I've still been cramping a lot and a little nauseas and my boobs are killing me. I know that it's the progesterone. Like I've said before...I have nothing to compare to b/c I don't produce natural progesterone (or estrogen) so these feelings are not my regular period feelings...but I know that is what the progestertone does. And I haven't been feeling quite myself.

Stupid 2ww head games!

I was going to buy my mom a "happy mother's day grandma" card today - b/c I test on Mother's Day - but I thought that it was premature to assume that I would be testing positive....and that even if I do test positive, that it would stick....and how upset I would feel if I couldn't give it to her...and it's not even a surprise seeing as my mom has been living all of this vicariously through me. Here's to a fast (but productive) week.

3 Weeks PUPO

I love the term PUPO. A friend shared it with me recently. Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. And today I am 3 weeks. I am also cramping, and my boobs hurt, and I'm nauseas. These are the progesterone symptoms (b/c we all know that I don't ovulate or get a natural period). Weird how it took me until this morning to figure out that this is what everyone is talking about. Funny how the Prometrium (oral progesterone) doesn't cause these symptoms in me - I know b/c I took them the last cycle. But these suppositories are definitely the cause of my freakouts. I keep looking for the implantation bleeding that may or may not occur. It would be a really good sign for me, as I know it wouldn't be AF (no ovulation, no AF).

In the meantime, I get to test in 8 more days. How in the world will I survive? I have so much to do....I just need to motivate myself to do it....

Off I go, into the shower to start my day and try to find something productive to do to take my mind off of things until I do a movie and dinner with a friend tonight.