Happy 38th birthday to me

It's 12:22 am on my birthday. J-bear and I are snuggling with Treehouse (24 hour kids tv channel) on while we wait for Advil to kick in. Poor little man is in teething pain. I'm on my cell. My birthday is likely to be u eventful. But when we only get one special day per year shouldn't there be something remarkable to happen?  Right now I'm just hoping for some sleep.

A day in my life...

I can't believe it.  I am physically on my desktop computer, in my bedroom, drinking a cup of HOT tea!  J-Bear is now my nighttime bedmate/roommate and so I can never get into my bedroom.  As I approach my 38th birthday (on Sunday), I'm just going to stop and reflect on where I am right now.  Currently on maternity leave with J-Bear approaching 7 months next week, life is definitely NOT as easy as it was having only SR, and he is definitely NOT his sister, as much as they look so similar.

I'm going to start off at midnight on Wednesday morning, b/c that is when I seem to be climbing into bed at night - which is so not like me.

12am - quietly try to put the pillows and blankets back on my side of the bed, and wrap them around me so that J-Bear doesn't get into them while he is sleeping - goal:  DO NOT WAKE J-BEAR!

12:30am - J-Bear cries to be fed.  Obviously I try to ignore him, but he is a persistent little dude and of course I give in and give him milk, even though he just had milk two hours earlier.  Lie him back down and go back to sleep.

2:30am - J-Bear cries to be fed.  Repeat steps from 12:30am.  This involves sitting up and crossing my legs and hoisting a 22 lb baby into my lap, wearing a size three thick sleep sack.  I never understood how to breastfeed while lying down.

4:30 am - J-Bear cries to be fed.  After the feed, J-Bear is wide awake and wanting to play.  For the next two hours, I try to sleep while being poked at and giggled at and nose grabbed and listening to moans, cries, spitting sounds, and happy sounds.  

6:25 am - feed J-Bear again so I can finally get some sleep.

6:30 am - J-Bear falls into a deep sleep (sure, after all that playing).

7:15 am - wake up and get SR started for her day.  Drink milk, make a pee, brush teeth, get dressed, do her hair, and be ready when my dad walks in at 7:50am to take her to school.

Since I'm up, I try to eat breakfast and start to clean up a bit before J-Bear wakes up.

8:15 am - J-Bear wakes up and does not cry for milk - funny how drinking all night makes one have a full belly in the morning.  I get his bath ready and bathe him and clean up the bath before giving him his morning feed.  Play for a few minutes before getting into the snow suits and winter gear to head out the door.

9:45am - drive to the community centre (in Canada this is how Centre is spelled - re, not er) to meet SR's preschool class for skating.  My mom and dad come too - my mom pushes J-Bear in the stroller in the community centre while he naps, and my dad comes onto the ice with us.  

10-11am - help the preschoolers get into their skates, and work with SR on the ice teaching her the goal her teacher has set for the day.  Help the preschoolers get back into their boots and walk with them towards the school bus to go back to school.  Get J-Bear from my mom and head home.

12pm - My mom comes over around noon to give J-Bear some lunch (HA!  he won't eat anything except pureed cauliflower) and spend some time with us.  I am usually preparing a new food for him, or making fresh cauliflower for the next few days.

1pm - Put J-Bear down for a nap and try to eat lunch.  But J-Bear wakes up way too early.  Quickly change his diaper and get us ready to leave so I can drive him around to nap before our registered program.  In Ontario, there is a wonderful program called Ontario Early Years, and they provide free programming, registered and non-registered for families with children up to age 6.  It's a wonderful service and definitely helps during a year long maternity leave with very little money coming in.  Many of my friends take their babies to very expensive baby programs, but at $12-25 per class, I don't think J-Bear knows if his program is free or expensive and the free programs are just as rewarding.  

2:40pm - wake J-Bear and carry him from the parking lot into the Early Years Centre- at this particular location (as they are all over), carrying a 22 lb baby in his snowsuit and a diaper bag in the wind chill of -30 degrees Celcius (that's VERY VERY VERY COLD for my American readers) for five minutes to get to the door is exhausting.  

2:45-3:45 - yawn my way through the program b/c I'm just so darn tired that it's hard to stay focussed.  But seeing J-Bear smile and interact with the other families is rewarding.

4:00pm - pick up SR at preschool - now I must tell you my dad picks her up most days, but on Wednesdays he tutors and Friday is the Sabbath.  But my mom will sometimes drive to the parking lot and sit with J-Bear while I go inside to get SR - who insists that she stays to play for "five more minutes."

4:30pm - because even though I live 30 seconds away from her preschool, it takes 30 minutes to convince her to leave and get dressed. and then undressed b/c she suddenly remembered she needed to pee and then she needed a drink and then dressed again.  Once home, SR goes into the bath or shower on alternate days.  If I don't do it right after school, it is very hard to convince her to bathe after dinner.

5:00pm - let SR and J-Bear sit in front of the TV and watch a show I recorded for her in the morning while I prepare dinner.  My mom often comes over at this time to play with the kids and help with serving J-Bear his cauliflower or serve SR dinner and I try to sit down and eat now too.

5:30 pm - serve and eat dinner.

6:00pm - clean up from dinner while my mom plays with the kids or helps one or both get ready for bed.

7:00pm - begin bedtime routine with SR - milk, books, teeth, pee, more books.  

7:45pm - try to say goodnight to SR.  Take J-Bear to my room to get him to bed - in other words, breastfeed him to sleep - I know, big mistake....SR was able to go to sleep drowsy but awake at this point.  Everything is so different this time around.  I just need some me time.

For the next hour or so, go back and forth between SR and J-Bear.  

9:30pm - try to finally get into the shower if everyone is quiet.

10:00pm - watch a little TV, clean up for showings if there are any

10:30 pm - J-Bear wakes up to be fed.

11:00pm - make warm milk with a little chocolate powder and sit down to read a little.

12:am - start over again!

And as I finish typing this, I hear J-Bear shaking his dolly.  I finished my tea and I got to sit and blog.  Now I have to get him packed up to drop him off with my mom so I don't need to take him in and out at preschool.  It is just sooooooooo cold this January.  

And yes, my parents are an amazing help to me....but still I feel so overwhelmed - not to mention stressed out trying to keep my place clean for showings, wondering when I will finally sell, and where I will live.

Overwhelmed!!!!

As I sit here blogging at 9:06pm, I should be:

• cleaning up from dinner
• cleaning up for two showings tomorrow
• doing laundry
• preparing the "loot bags" for SR's school birthday party that is tomorrow

I have too much on my plate these days and I'm not even working until September.  I also have lots of help.  How in the world am I going to work full time and bring home marking/report cards and take care of my two?  Forget that, how am I going to get us all out the door on time?  We make playdate plans for 10 and don't arrive until 10:30.

This morning I had to get my place completely cleaned and vacuumed, and get us all dressed and fed and get me and Scarlett out the door to a birthday party.  That is a lot to do!  My mom harps on me about how it would be easier with a husband.  I don't want a husband.  And that is not my situation.  And my friends who have husbands seem to have to deal with them too.  It's hard b/c J-Bear is a baby.  S is Miss Independent but only when she wants to be and not while J-Bear is on my lap.  I'm trying to sell my place and keep it clean and I'm not sleeping at all.  I don't need a husband.  I need some sleep.  I need some understanding.

And believe me, I have the best, most helpful parents.  My dad does my grocery shopping most days, and takes SR to and from school many days.  And my mom is over helping me with dinner most nights.  But it's still a lot of work.

And the two of them sharing a room is just not working out as beautifully as I imagined it would - although they are in there together now - but I want to shower, and I know as soon as I get into the shower one of them will cry out for me and wake the other b/c I won't get there fast enough.

But don't get me wrong....I am so happy and so in love with my babies.  But cleaning up dinner dishes until 10pm each night makes me crazy.  But the alternative is I clean up and don't spend the time with my kids after dinner.  

Just me venting. 

I have two showings of my condo tomorrow - wish me luck for a quick sale...I can't keep up the cleaning non stop like this.  

J-Bear is 6 months!!!!

J-Bear's six month smilebox photo album

If you want to see J-Bear's sixth month, click on the link above.

Dear J-Bear,

I can't believe that you are already six months.  The time is just flying...except at nights, where you have become my co-sleeper from 2:30 onwards each night.  I should not say co-sleeper, b/c sleeping is not what you want to do.  You want to playing with me, and have milk, and chew on my fingers.  And I don't know how I function during the day after being awake with you for hours and hours each night.  But I guess I should enjoy this stage....just don't let it last much longer.

I can't help you learn to self soothe while you are sharing a room with your sister...I'm worried that you will wake her up at night...and we all know how much SR loves her sleep!!!  She's practically a teenager that way :)  It's actually unfair, because tonight you were sleeping and she woke you up...and now you're still awake at 9:04 pm while she sleeps peacefully.  At least I have you in the pack and play beside me in the dark while you seem to be settling yourself to sleep (I don't want to speak too soon)...and it's now 9:49 and you are FINALLY ASLEEP in your crib in the room you share with your sister...can I get into the shower now?

In this past month I introduced you to solids.  It hasn't been going very well.  You are one very talented baby.  I should call Tyra Banks at America's Next Top Model because you are really good at "Smizing" (Smiling with your eyes).  You can smile, laugh, and cry all while not opening your mouth.  Your Suvta (grandmother) originally said that you needed to learn how to open your mouth to eat....but when I give you cauliflower (and sometimes zucchini or sweet potato, or carrot), you certainly know how to eat.  What a weird baby you are....you like cauliflower but not banana or apple.  I will just keep trying.

Suvta and Zaidy made you chicken mixed with sweet potato and carrots.  You're going to have to get your iron from somewhere....and since I don't cook or eat meat they were nice enough to make it for you.  We will try it soon.

This month you learned how to roll over.  You are also able to sit up on your own, but with me sitting right there so you don't flop backwards.  You love books, music, and touching my face.  And you love SR!!!!  She makes you light up...she wants to be near you all the time, and you enjoy her too...she doesn't like when you get hold of her hair.

This month also saw you through your first double ear infections, first antibiotics, first tylenol and advil, and second trip to the hospital with croup.  You got your first tooth in the bottom right...and more are coming through.  It's unfortunate that you are teething while recovering from croup...but you have the pinkest cheeks EVER!  It's so cute...but I'm sorry you are so miserable!

You have the cutest giggle.  You are so curious about everything around you now...and you try to put everything into your mouth.  You brighten everyone's day all the time.  People everywhere stop to comment on how cute you are, how big your eyes are (your sister got the same compliment too), and how you should be on a football team already.

To me you are my little J-Bear....I hope you feel better soon.  Your sister and I love you so much.

Love, Mommy