Not a lot of time...too much stress

For the most part, I like my RE and my clinic.  For the most part, I feel like I am in good hands and that I am not a number.  For the most part, I feel respected and well cared for.

I am in a mood also, so that may exaggerate how I am feeling.

Today is Friday - my last day to be in the classroom setting up before school starts again on Tuesday.  I am not quite sure why I compete against myself and try to reinvent the wheel every year.  I am not feeling very prepared - maybe b/c I couldn't bring myself to do ANY work all summer.

SR has a cold...back to daycare for one week, and she already has a cold.  We are now using the antibiotic ear drops too, b/c there have been ear crusties...gotta keep those tubes clear.  She hates the drops!  I have had a sore throat all day...I think I am catching SR's cold - little sleep and a lot of stress could add to it, but mostly it's SR offering me her boogers to kiss after she wiped her own nose.

Back to the clinic.  I last saw my RE on Wednesday.  I was thinking very highly of him on Wednesday.  That's b/c he told me that I didn't need to take medication to bring on a cycle.  He told me that Wednesday was just going to be CD1 and to come in on Friday for CD3 and also to see him.  That meant TWO clinic trips today.  One in the morning for u/s and b/w.  One in the afternoon to follow up with him.

I had a 3:50 follow-up.  I busted my butt to get there on time.  I really could have used more time in the classroom.  I sat and waited until 5pm to see him.  For a 3 minute chat.

When I finally got in to see him, I found him to be snippy with me...THREE TIMES.  I'm sorry that his day was running late and whatever else is going on in his life.  But my day wasn't easy either and I wasn't snippy. I am going to share here what happened and then try to let it go b/c everyone has a bad day and we'll call this his bad day.

First of all, he made a teacher/politics comment.  I'm not going to get into the story here...those of you who live in Ontario should be quite familiar with the news surrounding our government and teacher contracts.  Other than to tell you that the minister is saying nothing but lies, I'm not going to make this a political rant.  But I did say to the RE "Don't even go there" when he said something about teachers.  He chuckled, so I think he thought he was being funny.  As a teacher in the midst of this "crisis" I don't find it funny at all.

The second comment was after I mentioned to him that the nurse this morning said I had to have another Sono (SHG).  I said to him that I just had one recently with him.  His response was along the lines of "This is not up for negotiation.  I am trying to get you pregnant."  I wasn't trying to negotiate...I was just asking why I had to have another one.

The third thing was, suddenly I now have a thyroid problem....out of the blue.  I asked him to look back at when I conceived SR and also this latest pregnancy/miscarriage to see if the thyroid was the same.  He said that it was different then....ONE MONTH AGO IT WAS DIFFERENT????  So he was telling me that I have to fast and not take any other meds with this thyroid medication and to take it first thing in the morning.  I'm not even going to start talking about when I'm back on the progesterone that I have to fast for and the estrogen throughout the day.  I mentioned that I take my iron in the morning and need to wait for an hour to eat.  He said I need to wait for 2 hours after taking this medication.  So I said, "But when will I eat?"  His response was, "That should be easy for you.  You don't eat.  Look how skinny you are."  Again I had to defend myself...that I eat every hour and I have a fast metabolism.

Maybe he was joking around with me.  Maybe I was already annoyed waiting for an hour to talk for 3 minutes.  Maybe I was annoyed that I missed the whole week with SR while she was in daycare.  Maybe I was annoyed about things at work that are bugging me.  Maybe I was feeling lousy with a sore throat and stuffy nose.

Or maybe he was actually being snippy and taking his mood out on me.

Daycare transition day 2

A quick post...b/c once again it's 10:38 and I wanted to be in bed reading at 10.  Not sure why I'm avoiding sleep but the exhaustion is going to catch up with me.

Today was transition day number two.  It was definitely better than day one.

After I wrote yesterday's post, SR made a lot of comments to me about her day at school:

SR:  School.  Scarlett crying.  Don't cry Scarlett.  I miss you.  I love you.

We had a lot of talks about school being fun and naming her new teachers and her old friends in her new classroom.  I told her she was going back tomorrow (which was today) and that I would miss her too and come back later.

This morning was similar to yesterday - a lot of her telling me that at school she cried and that she missed me and loved me.

We went to school and talked the whole way there...when I took her into her classroom they were just starting their circle time before going outside to play.  They were singing one of her favourite songs, "The good morning train."  Scarlett always sings this at home and can name herself and whoever is around at the appropriate time.  I took that opportunity to pass her over to the teacher sitting with the other children.  Scarlett was crying a lot and saying "mommy, mommy".  I told her I loved her and I blew her a kiss and stepped to the side of the room to listen without being seen.  She stopped crying within about 15 seconds.  Her infant room teacher was walking by at that moment and I asked her to look into the room.  She said SR was fine and sucking on her sleeve (that's her "lovey".  She sucks it when she is tired, bored, or uncomfortable.  I use baby leg warmers for her when she is not wearing long sleeves and needs to nap or asks me for one.).

The morning went okay for her.  She played outside with a friend from her infant classroom.  But she cried during the transition back inside.  She played inside with the Little People and even was giving them kisses (she has become very affectionate with her toys - she even had her Ernie figurine (who she is in love with) kiss her Dora figurine - thinking they might become an item).  But during the transitions she got upset.

At lunch she sat in a big girl chair and ate minimally, but she ate.

Then I picked her up.  She was crying when she saw me and was saying "out the door" about the gate.  Once she was out of the gate, she was fine being in the centre and even played in the supervisor's office while we chatted.  This afternoon SR was clingy but okay.  We talked about what she did at school today and she only mentioned crying a couple of times.  Otherwise there was a lot of "I missed you, I love you"...and I can't really complain about that.

Mostly I missed her.  I felt lost without her for those few hours.  I know that it will get easier for me next week when I am setting up my classroom.  The time will go faster and I will be too busy to spend all of my energy wondering what she is doing.  I will limit my phone calls to the centre.

Tomorrow is our follow-up appointment with the ENT surgeon so no "school" for SR.  We have the whole day together.  Yay!

First Day Back At Daycare

This morning was awful!  It was awful for me and SR.  Why didn't I marry rich?  LOL, b/c that would involve being married!  And I love my job...but I love my daughter more.

I pulled SR from daycare for the summer - incidentally I had to still pay $2200 for the whole summer...brutal, right?  Especially when I now know of other centres who either let you pull for free and save your spot or have a minimal fee (think $2000 less than what I paid).  But I do love the centre (but now the supervisor is being transferred as of Friday).

Today we started the transition back to daycare - into a new classroom with new teachers, but familiar friends and faces.  She was okay at first.  I was in the room and she was exploring.  I even said goodbye and did a kiss and walked away.  That was okay.  But then I went to the other side of the gate - SR started screaming and crying "mommy, mommy!!!"  I had them bring her to me for another kiss and hug.  The supervisor took her from me and I stood outside the room invisible to SR.  She was hysterical.  I do not let her cry - I never have.  She knows that I come when she wants me.  The supervisor came back out of the room within a few minutes and SR was quiet.  She said she was fine.

I had made breakfast plans with the girls from work.  The supervisor called me while I was at breakfast to tell me that SR was fine and had gone outside to play with the other kids.  After I was done breakfast, I called the centre - the supervisor told me that she would check in the room to see if SR was okay to stay for lunch or if I should come back for her.  She told me to come back in 20 minutes.  Well apparently, SR understood that the supervisor was on the phone with me and then screamed and cried hysterically for those 20 minutes.  She couldn't calm down when I arrived.  Poor thing...made me cry all over again.

I was talking to the supervisor briefly and then we went to leave.  SR went to the door to leave and started to insist "open door, away, out out out."...we got into the car and took the quick drive home.  When I got around to open her door for her I was greeted with this:

"I miss you.  I love you."

Please don't make me go back to work.  Please don't make me drop her off again tomorrow.

August in review

I'm still here everyone, although it's after ten and once again I'm not in bed.

We're having a great summer.  Here are some of the things we've been up to since SR's surgery at the beginning of August:

SR got a hand-me-down bike.  She is learning how to steer on her own so we don't run off the sidewalk when we go for a walk  (Those are my dad's legs you see behind her - I store all outdoor things at my parents' house around the corner from my condo - my dad literally freaks out every time I get something new for her...he hates clutter).

A great garage sale find was this small slide (those are my mother's legs, and yes it is housed in my parents' backyard).  SR's new favourite thing is to go up onto the first step of the slide ladder, and then step down and fall to her bum (on purpose) so she can say "oh no!!!" and then get back up again.  What an actress!

Midnight tea parties have been a huge hit around here...okay 8:30 but it feels like midnight to me.  When SR isn't tired at her usual bedtime (usually b/c I let her nap too long during the day), she calls to me from her room after she throws everything out of her crib... "Mommy, Kaiya on the floor (her doll).  Mommy, tea party."  These are SRs figurines having a tea party.  She is IN LOVE with Ernie.  I don't see the appeal!  As for her tea party treats, the "circle" is her preference.  Circle is definitely her favourite shape and is always the first shape she chooses for tea parties, picnics, and shape sorting.  Also, walking in the halls towards the elevators, there are different shapes that she has to "touch" each time.  I think rectangle is starting to take on a close second - it's novelty...most baby toys don't come in rectangle and it's a treat for her to see and "touch" a rectangle!  I know, imagine if seeing a rectangle was a treat!  Life of a 19 month old!

 SR is finally getting to know Buddy.  For the past several months - since SR started to crawl - she has been desperate to "make nice" to Buddy (at my parents' house).  He is an old and sick dog and really could care less about the baby who has stolen all of the attention from him (except she wants to dote on him).  We taught SR how to feed buddy his food and now she feels he owes her the right to touch him.  Although, he is lingering near her more often now and allowing SR the opportunity to try to touch him.

SR LOVES leaves.  She finds them in the backyard, and then goes over to the patio chair and squeezes them through the slots.  But watch out if you are sitting in that chair.  You will receive a very firm "OFF!" from SR.  If you try to use logic and just move your legs away from the slots, you will receive a louder scolding of "OFF!  OFF!"  And then the leaves fall to the ground and she forgets all about them, off to pick up another leaf.

SR loves to play ball.  I'm hoping to register her for an intro to Sportball for the winter once she turns two.  It's a program for ages 2-3.  She hates throwing the ball on the grass and will walk over to the patio stones to throw the ball - I think she likes the noise of the bounce.  Speaking of noise, SR can actually hear the noise of the bounce.  AND, she can HEAR when an airplane is flying overhead and will tell me it's there.  SR could not hear an airplane before her surgery.

 Another new backyard toy (from a yard sale for $3) is her little house.  It's basically a door and a little yard.  Beside the door is a mailbox (pictured here) and inside is a flower garden, and a bird house.  SR really enjoys playing outside in the backyard...almost more than going to the park and playing in the sand.

I just love this photo.  My little baby looks all grown up here...almost like a young punk teenager going for a walk in her cool comfy clothes.  SR is just doing her thing, walking along, thinking her thoughts, not a care in the world.  If you could hear me calling to her (be careful, don't fall on the pavement, come to mommy) you would see a different image :)

 Our second visit this summer to Lionel's Farm and petting zoo.  SR loves the farm...but I am starting to feel badly for the caged animals who just wait for the guests to stick old lettuce and carrots and bread to them.  All they do is eat all day.  It seems cruel.  And yet I take SR to visit for the experience.  Not sure how I feel about this...but not so set in my thoughts yet that I would stop taking her.  She's just so happy walking around and talking and looking at the animals.

SR never tires of playing peek-a-boo, or hiding, or "Where is _____ (fill in any name).  She plays it with her figurines...she'll hide one somewhere and then sing, "where is Ernie, where is Ernie?"  Then she'll "find" him and sing "here he is".  She will do it with her towel after a bath and either put her name or mommy in the blank and then remove the towel.  She loves when I turn my back and then she "sneaks up" on me and I quickly turn around surprised.  The laughter and the "again, again" is just the best.

As dinner guests at a friend's place one night, I had forgotten the booster seat at home (was a last minute invite while we were already there).  They kindly had their son sit on their lap and gave SR the seat.  They also introduced SR to the wonderful world of corn-on-the-cob.  We haven't looked back since.  August has been a month of SR devouring her corn until every last kernel is gone.  Yummy!  Tonight while cooking dinner, the timer on the oven went off.  SR calls out, "corn's ready!"  I didn't even know that she was aware that corn was for dinner!

For the first time ever (and still only the one time) SR sat in the grocery cart.  It was a struggle getting her in.  She did not want to, but once in there, she had a blast.  I just usually do my shopping with the stroller and grocery bags hanging off the handles and my shoulders.












Another first was the first bath wearing ear plugs.  The Dr. said I did not have to worry about them until she is dunking her head.  I decided it's better to just do it all the time, then try to fight with her as she gets older.  SR is a great ear plug helper.  She opens and closes the case.  She hands me the ear plugs and tells me to "roll it in a ball" and she puts the plugs back in the case when we are done.  I have also taken SR swimming two times.  She hasn't been swimming since before her first birthday.  Going back to work for me was hectic, and then SR kept getting sick and multiple ear infections so I stopped taking her.  We went last Monday and Friday to a VERY WARM therapeutic pool for parent and tot swim.  Monday was a disaster.  She was terrified and only wanted to sit in the very shallow area by a circular water drain and play with some toys.  Friday was a lot better.  She let me take her into the deeper water and even sat on the edge while I held her and "jumped" her into the water (head up).  I reminded her that it was like what Dora, Diego, and Boots do in her bath - we always put them on the bathtub ledge and count to 3 for them to jump into the bath.  But most of the time she sat by the circle to play.  Hopefully we can get there again this week before SR returns to daycare (transitioning this Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday for a few hours) and I go back to work.

Wow, we have really done a lot in just a few weeks.

Some cute SR moments:

"Foot."  "Foot?"  "No, Foooot!"  "Foot?  Your foot?"  "Nooooo!  Faaaahhhht!"  "Fart?"  "Yes, Fart!  Poopie!"  (SR telling me she farted and then pooed.  We're getting closer to potty training.)

"Burpie, ex-cuuuuuuuse me."

When she falls or hurts herself, she comes over to me to tell me which body part she hurt, asks for a kiss and then says "all better."

Any time a baby or child is heard crying, SR says, "Don't cry, baby.  It's okay."


Okay, now it's almost 11 and I'm still writing.  SR makes me lose myself.  I'm not sure how I will keep up with blogging and reading when I go back to work...I could barely keep up this summer (although I rarely turned on my computer and relied on my iPhone instead).

Good night.

Surgery over for SR

Today was a long day...and my little champ handled it like a star.  Today SR got her ear tubes.  Last Friday, she came down with another new cold.  We went to the pediatrician on Sunday and again on Wednesday - there was no improvement and he had said to come back.  I was really hoping her surgery wouldn't be cancelled and we'd have to come back again in three months.  Luckily, they still took her.

But surgery time wasn't until 1pm and she wasn't allowed to eat from midnight the night before - this put me in a bit of a dilemma.  She eats dinner around 5:15 and has her milk before bed around 6:45.  I was wondering last night if I should wake her at 11:30 for a bowl of cheerios.  I decided not to - she really needed her sleep as she was fighting this cold and I didn't know if she would get back down to bed.

I did tell her last night before bed that when she woke up this morning, she would not have her milky - she would only get to have apple juice and jello.  Neither of those foods are in her food groups, but I have been working with her to get her to enjoy them.  When she woke up this morning (later than usual - 7:15) she cried for her milky.  I gently reminded her that today we were having apple juice and she could drink it in mommy's bed and we would watch Dora.  That worked fine.  Shortly after, she did not ask for her cheerios and strawberries like she usually does.  Scarlett asked for her jello.  She remembered what I said the night before.

I managed to get her all the way to 10 am without any fuss - I tried to get her to take a little more jello and apple juice and water at 10 am b/c that was the cut-off point.  Nothing in the mouth after that time.

My dad went with us to the hospital - he also paid for parking, which was super nice.  Again, SR was terrific.  She played, read books, walked around, watched Dora on my telephone - I downloaded episodes for her.  She put up a bit of a fuss when I went to change her into her gown, but then she was fine again.  I couldn't believe how great she was being.

I'm wearing my "sleevie" but these aren't my pyjamas.  

By 1pm, she had missed her milk, two meals, and a snack, and her NAP....but right before they came for her, she got her second wind and was walking around the waiting room and talking up a storm.  The nurse came to get her and she gave my dad a high-five and said, "see you later".  I carried her as far as I was allowed, and then the nurse took her from me - this was where it got hard.  She started crying and screaming, "mommy, mommy"...and there I was, a blubbering fool crying after her.

I had enough time to run out to the hall, take a quick pee break and wolf down my peanut butter sandwich (that my mom made for me before I went).  Within those few minutes, the doctor met me at the waiting room door to tell me the surgery was over.  It turns out, SR had another double ear infection.  It was very lucky that we got this appointment now and not had to take more antibiotics.

I am not fond of dresses.  Can I take this off?

The recovery room was brutal - think about it:  this little baby hadn't had her nap and she was only able to sleep for ten minutes and then was woken up and groggy - hysterical doesn't even begin to cover it.  I felt bad b/c it was a recovery room for all patients waking from surgery and there weren't even curtains...there were grown men and women in the room with my screaming baby.

When I got her home, she went straight to bed - I woke her just before five to have some dinner and drink and Advil.

She's calling to me now from her room - I love the sound of "mommy".  I guess she's not ready to sleep, but I'll leave her for now b/c she's just babbling and sometimes she says mommy to her doll, Kaiya.

I have to put ear drops in twice a day - hopefully that will get easier b/c tonight it was awful.  But her ears are probably very tender as there is discharge and blood coming out.  I'm just hoping that this procedure helps her with her hearing and not getting so sick anymore.

A quick side note - my u/s showed that my uterus is clear.  My beta test showed my HCG dropped to the 300s (I didn't pay attention like I normally do to the numbers).  My RE said I should get a period within a week of hitting zero or he will bring one on.  I'll test again on Wednesday and we'll go from there.

Now I need to catch up on all of your blogs....I feel so out of the loop when I don't turn on my computer.