This morning I went in for my CD23 u/s b/w....you would think by CD23 my uterus would be nice and thick. I've been thinking thick. I'm on enough estrogen to help out every woman in my entire condo....but no, my lining remains stuck (or as Scarlett would say, "F---") at 7.8mm....even with the vaginal estrace.
Now I need to go back on Friday morning for yet another u/s. I really hope this cycle isn't cancelled...I went through this 2 years ago and wasn't given the go ahead until CD25...and Friday will be CD25. But I'm still up in the air about which day my transfer will be and hoping they don't want the transfer on June 7 when Scarlett sees the ENT surgeon. Plus, it's really bad timing to be off so much when I have report cards due to the office the following week.
Not only do I need to wait, I have a 6:40am appointment. Scarlett can't go to daycare until 7am. So I need to get her up EXTRA early. Take her to the appointment and hope she can sit still in her stroller during my u/s and then get her back to her daycare and get myself to school. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Plus it's going to throw off her entire day.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Lots to report about Scarlett
Scarlett and I walk down to the condo lobby every day to get the mail. She walks with her mail walker - birthday present from a blog reader - and loves when I put the mail in her walker. She stops every few steps to take it out and say "mail" and then put it back into the walker. Needless to say, sometimes our walk goes on for quite a long time. She loves to see the "people" and the "flowers" with the "banana"....it's a fake flower in the lobby that looks like a banana. She asks to "touch" the "banana"*** and then carries on walking. When she bumps into a wall she is "stuck"....but lately "stuck" isn't coming out so clearly. In fact, "stuck" now sounds perfectly like the four letter word starting with F. So when she gets "stuck" she says "F---." Which I guess is what we as adults would say if we kept hitting a wall over and over again.
***words in "" are words she says.
While walking today, Scarlett stopped in the lobby, turned around to look at me, let go of her walker, and took about FIVE solo steps. I was so excited...I started to say "you're walking, you're walking" but then I worried that she was going to fall on the tile and hit her head! My baby is walking. I gave her a deadline to walk before my transfer and she's done it! Now she has just under a week to get herself balanced and steady! I think she can do it!
I think Scarlett is going to be a wonderful big sister. Her teachers at daycare today told me about how nurturing she is to the youngest baby in the room. She spends a lot of time trying to encourage her to eat, or to sit with her or boss her around :) Okay, it's true, Scarlett has gotten quite bossy with her new vocabulary. But it just warmed my heart to know that she was being so loving towards a little baby.
Also, Scarlett now sings. In fact she just simply opens her mouth and makes a loud "aaaahhhhhh" sound whenever she wants to demonstrate that she is singing. I started telling her that her singing is lovely so now whenever she does that noise she follows it with "lovely." She's too much.
Tomorrow I should find out my transfer date and have to start on those prometrium three hour fasts. I wanted to share how the pharmacist labelled my vaginal estrace - "Insert one tablet per vagina once daily"....WTF...so if I have two vaginas I should insert it into both of them? I just thought that was funny.
***words in "" are words she says.
While walking today, Scarlett stopped in the lobby, turned around to look at me, let go of her walker, and took about FIVE solo steps. I was so excited...I started to say "you're walking, you're walking" but then I worried that she was going to fall on the tile and hit her head! My baby is walking. I gave her a deadline to walk before my transfer and she's done it! Now she has just under a week to get herself balanced and steady! I think she can do it!
I think Scarlett is going to be a wonderful big sister. Her teachers at daycare today told me about how nurturing she is to the youngest baby in the room. She spends a lot of time trying to encourage her to eat, or to sit with her or boss her around :) Okay, it's true, Scarlett has gotten quite bossy with her new vocabulary. But it just warmed my heart to know that she was being so loving towards a little baby.
Also, Scarlett now sings. In fact she just simply opens her mouth and makes a loud "aaaahhhhhh" sound whenever she wants to demonstrate that she is singing. I started telling her that her singing is lovely so now whenever she does that noise she follows it with "lovely." She's too much.
Tomorrow I should find out my transfer date and have to start on those prometrium three hour fasts. I wanted to share how the pharmacist labelled my vaginal estrace - "Insert one tablet per vagina once daily"....WTF...so if I have two vaginas I should insert it into both of them? I just thought that was funny.
Monday, May 28, 2012
CD21 and still waiting
This morning was my CD21 b/w and u/s. My lining is at 7.8mm....so steadily climbing but not thick enough. I am finally on the vaginal estrace, plus the 4 oral estrace, and the 3 climara patches. What gets me irritated is that they have not given me enough meds or any refills. Even if I don't get pregnant this transfer (but I'm very optimistic I will), I still need enough meds to get me past the transfer and through the 2ww....I have enough meds to get me before the transfer - why oh why do I need to keep going back to the pharmacy. I will definitely be asking for refills on Wednesday.
My nurse this morning was fairly confident that I will start my preparation for transfer (progesterone) on Wednesday leading me to a Sunday or Monday transfer. I just emailed my principal back saying that I am relatively certain that I will be available Tuesday for the meeting, but that I am waiting to find out on a medical procedure that I should be having Sunday or Monday.
Any of you out there who T42 feel worried carrying around your baby while in the 2ww? I am so aware of things like lifting Scarlett into the crib and leaning over it pulling at my abdomen (I am VERY short so I really have to lean over), in and out of the high chair and crib, carrying her into and out of daycare....there is a lot of carrying.
Scarlett is not walking on her own....BUT, she can walk holding one of my hands. I tried walking with her around the drug store today so I didn't have to take the stroller out. She loved it...but she also stopped and freaked out every time she saw Dora, so I did end up having to carry her too.
Here's the thing, women get pregnant on their own without knowing they are pregnant and carry around their little ones. My SIL has 5 kids under the age of 7 (we don't have any relationship as my brother lives in another country and is VERY religious)...she obviously carries kids while pregnant and doesn't have any problem. I guess they say no heavy lifting so that we don't blame ourselves if it doesn't work.
Okay, off to do some marking.
My nurse this morning was fairly confident that I will start my preparation for transfer (progesterone) on Wednesday leading me to a Sunday or Monday transfer. I just emailed my principal back saying that I am relatively certain that I will be available Tuesday for the meeting, but that I am waiting to find out on a medical procedure that I should be having Sunday or Monday.
Any of you out there who T42 feel worried carrying around your baby while in the 2ww? I am so aware of things like lifting Scarlett into the crib and leaning over it pulling at my abdomen (I am VERY short so I really have to lean over), in and out of the high chair and crib, carrying her into and out of daycare....there is a lot of carrying.
Scarlett is not walking on her own....BUT, she can walk holding one of my hands. I tried walking with her around the drug store today so I didn't have to take the stroller out. She loved it...but she also stopped and freaked out every time she saw Dora, so I did end up having to carry her too.
Here's the thing, women get pregnant on their own without knowing they are pregnant and carry around their little ones. My SIL has 5 kids under the age of 7 (we don't have any relationship as my brother lives in another country and is VERY religious)...she obviously carries kids while pregnant and doesn't have any problem. I guess they say no heavy lifting so that we don't blame ourselves if it doesn't work.
Okay, off to do some marking.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A quick update
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| Getting really good at the self portraits!!! |
On Wednesday, my lining was up to 7.0mm and on Saturday it was at 7.5mm. These are good signs. But then I got called from the clinic yesterday telling me that I needed to start on a third climara patch b/c my numbers came back lower. I figured as much.
Now I am taking 4 estrace pills (2 in the morning and 2 at dinner) and on 3 climara (estrogen) patches. All that's missing is the vaginal estrace (which will really shoot my lining into the right place).
My next appointment is tomorrow morning. I wonder if they will have me fill the script for the progesterone or if I will have to wait until Wednesday? In any case, my principal is trying to get us to order my equipment for next year (if you remember I'm getting $6000 worth of technology in my classroom next year). She sent me an invitation to do it on Tuesday, June 5. It would be fine if my transfer is set for this coming week, but if I have to wait to see my RE on Wednesday to see what is happening, it could turn out that my transfer is on the Tuesday. It would be okay if it was just us two, but a third party is coming to the meeting also to explain the program to me. There's nothing I can do about it at this point.
Scarlett is battling another bad cold. So far no sign of fever or ear infection, although she refused most of her lunch and that is one of her signs. We are seeing the ENT in less than 2 weeks and I really don't want her to have another ear infection right before we go. I'm battling with allergies so bad and the claritin isn't helping. What is working right now is cinnamon hearts - but can I constantly eat cinnamon hearts? are the cavities worth it? Will I ever feel my taste buds again? As soon as I stop them the congestion returns.
Okay, I'm going to attempt to do some work.
Monday, May 21, 2012
My lining is THE SAME???!!!???
Another trip to the M. clinic....Holiday Monday....CD14. I have been thinking thick. Positive thinking is obviously not the way to go...again! Why won't the doctor follow what worked last time? My lining is still at 6.7mm. It was at 6.7mm on Friday and it's now Monday. I am taking 4 estrace and wearing one patch. But I know that it took 3 estrace, 3 patches and one vaginal estrace to finally do the trick. In any case, I am supposed to add another patch today - I'm not sure exactly what I'm waiting for and why I haven't done that yet.
Now I have to go to W. on Wednesday morning b/c that's when he's in. They don't have an appt time that worked, so I asked if I could go to RH...after all, my lining is really not going to grow by leaps and bounds in two days by adding another patch. I can speak to a nurse. Nope...I have to go to see him. This is difficult b/c on days when he is in the office everything is very delayed. Last Wednesday I didn't get to work until the bell rang and I had a 7:30 appointment. The only time they had for me was 7:10. I'll never get there. I need to drop Scarlett off at daycare at 7:00. I'm thinking I won't even call them to tell them I'm late....they are always behind anyway. I'll have Scarlett in the parking lot ready to walk through the daycare doors at 7:00am and try to get there as close to 7:20 as possible.
Scarlett had her first bleed today - I was picking her up at my parents' house - they babysat her while I was at the clinic - and she decided to go over to the stairs, which she often does. I was a few steps away from her. Well, she was only on the bottom with her hands holding the second step and she slipped. I thought she was fine and just startled, until I noticed that there was blood oozing from her mouth. The poor baby! I think her bottom teeth went into her gum above her top teeth - she has a bit of an under bite. She bled for a while - I gave her some soggy paper towels to suck on. She was quickly okay - but my parents and I are a disaster in the face of an emergency - all of us running in different directions.
Now I have to go to W. on Wednesday morning b/c that's when he's in. They don't have an appt time that worked, so I asked if I could go to RH...after all, my lining is really not going to grow by leaps and bounds in two days by adding another patch. I can speak to a nurse. Nope...I have to go to see him. This is difficult b/c on days when he is in the office everything is very delayed. Last Wednesday I didn't get to work until the bell rang and I had a 7:30 appointment. The only time they had for me was 7:10. I'll never get there. I need to drop Scarlett off at daycare at 7:00. I'm thinking I won't even call them to tell them I'm late....they are always behind anyway. I'll have Scarlett in the parking lot ready to walk through the daycare doors at 7:00am and try to get there as close to 7:20 as possible.
Scarlett had her first bleed today - I was picking her up at my parents' house - they babysat her while I was at the clinic - and she decided to go over to the stairs, which she often does. I was a few steps away from her. Well, she was only on the bottom with her hands holding the second step and she slipped. I thought she was fine and just startled, until I noticed that there was blood oozing from her mouth. The poor baby! I think her bottom teeth went into her gum above her top teeth - she has a bit of an under bite. She bled for a while - I gave her some soggy paper towels to suck on. She was quickly okay - but my parents and I are a disaster in the face of an emergency - all of us running in different directions.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Reading old posts
Okay so I should be getting ready for bed, but I wanted to go back and read my posts pre-transfer for having Scarlett. Right before I got ready to transfer I was talking about the prometrium and fasting and I said, "I'll make like Scarlett O'Hara and think of it another time."
How fitting that even though I didn't name her Scarlett until a week after she was born, she actually had her name chosen just prior to the embryo transfer :) This makes me so happy.
How fitting that even though I didn't name her Scarlett until a week after she was born, she actually had her name chosen just prior to the embryo transfer :) This makes me so happy.
Weird How Things Change
Just a couple of weeks ago I was completely consumed by anxiety. It's weird how those anxieties just disappear and I don't feel them anymore. How does that happen? In any case, I'm not complaining.
On Friday I went to the RH location of my clinic. The u/s tech there is so rough with the wand. I thought I had a UTI all day from her and it burned to pee. My lining is pretty comparable to what it was before I conceived S....so gradually increasing the estrogen :) My next appointment is on Monday (holiday).
I'm not sure if I mentioned in an earlier post that a teacher at school has been confiding in me about her fertility struggles - she has a child but is having difficulty conceiving again. She lives far from work and had been using a clinic near her home but thought they weren't doing a lot for her. She switched to my clinic thinking that the location close to work would be great - although I did tell her that she would also have to drive to other locations for procedures and when the one near work is closed three days/week. I did not tell her I was T42. Well, sure enough I was having my blood drawn on Friday morning and she walked by the blood room and saw me and said hi. I went out to talk to her and explained that I have not told anyone and that I did feel guilty b/c she had been confiding in me, but that also she could trust that I wasn't telling anyone about her - although I think she's more open about it than I am. We only talked briefly but she's so nice and seemed to be really understanding about me not telling her in return. I then had to go have my u/s and then after the u/s she had hers and I had to talk to the nurse. At school we sat together at the same lunch table but obviously didn't discuss our fertility as we were in public. In a way I'm glad she knows - it takes a weight off of my shoulders :)
Scarlett news:
a) she can stand on her own for about 10 seconds...then she drops down and says "again" b/c she thinks it's a game we're playing.
b) I think she's prematurely entering the terrible twos - definitely asserting herself, throwing mini tantrums. I hope this is a quick phase.
It's 9:40 and I want to be reading by ten. So much for doing school work tonight. Luckily it's a long weekend.
On Friday I went to the RH location of my clinic. The u/s tech there is so rough with the wand. I thought I had a UTI all day from her and it burned to pee. My lining is pretty comparable to what it was before I conceived S....so gradually increasing the estrogen :) My next appointment is on Monday (holiday).
I'm not sure if I mentioned in an earlier post that a teacher at school has been confiding in me about her fertility struggles - she has a child but is having difficulty conceiving again. She lives far from work and had been using a clinic near her home but thought they weren't doing a lot for her. She switched to my clinic thinking that the location close to work would be great - although I did tell her that she would also have to drive to other locations for procedures and when the one near work is closed three days/week. I did not tell her I was T42. Well, sure enough I was having my blood drawn on Friday morning and she walked by the blood room and saw me and said hi. I went out to talk to her and explained that I have not told anyone and that I did feel guilty b/c she had been confiding in me, but that also she could trust that I wasn't telling anyone about her - although I think she's more open about it than I am. We only talked briefly but she's so nice and seemed to be really understanding about me not telling her in return. I then had to go have my u/s and then after the u/s she had hers and I had to talk to the nurse. At school we sat together at the same lunch table but obviously didn't discuss our fertility as we were in public. In a way I'm glad she knows - it takes a weight off of my shoulders :)
Scarlett news:
a) she can stand on her own for about 10 seconds...then she drops down and says "again" b/c she thinks it's a game we're playing.
b) I think she's prematurely entering the terrible twos - definitely asserting herself, throwing mini tantrums. I hope this is a quick phase.
It's 9:40 and I want to be reading by ten. So much for doing school work tonight. Luckily it's a long weekend.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
A quickie!!!
Two things as I jump into bed tonight:
A) I forgot to mention that my RE told me that my uterus is misshapen. I asked him if it was like that before I got pregnant originally or if it is since I had my baby. He said it was like that before I conceived before. I asked him what that meant. He told me it could lead to miscarriage. WTF??? Why are you telling me this now? Why do I need more to worry about? You never told me this information when I TTC the first time.
B) Tonight Scarlett stood on her own for the first time (unless it has happened at daycare, in which case I don't want to know). She actually wasn't even aware she was doing it. Scarlett is a sleeve sucker when she is tired or bored or wants comfort. Tonight she wanted to go out for our walk to the lobby to get the mail and see the people. But I knew she was really too tired and it was already past her bedtime. I took her out of the stroller (I use the stroller to get us in and out of the parking garage) and kept her shoes (her "Abby's" as she calls them b/c they are Abby Cadaby from Sesame Street) on and stood her up at her "walker". Scarlett started to suck her sleeve and used her other hand to hold her sleeve hand in place. There she was...STANDING on her own without holding onto anything and she didn't even realize. I quickly ran over to her b/c I was worried she would topple over as she was so tired.
That's it. I had insomnia last night...think I was waiting for Scarlett to wake up and need more advil....but she slept beautifully through the night - I finished a great book "The Virgin Cure" and tried to fall asleep.
This morning she was singing and dancing her way into daycare.
G'night. CD 11 tomorrow morning.
A) I forgot to mention that my RE told me that my uterus is misshapen. I asked him if it was like that before I got pregnant originally or if it is since I had my baby. He said it was like that before I conceived before. I asked him what that meant. He told me it could lead to miscarriage. WTF??? Why are you telling me this now? Why do I need more to worry about? You never told me this information when I TTC the first time.
B) Tonight Scarlett stood on her own for the first time (unless it has happened at daycare, in which case I don't want to know). She actually wasn't even aware she was doing it. Scarlett is a sleeve sucker when she is tired or bored or wants comfort. Tonight she wanted to go out for our walk to the lobby to get the mail and see the people. But I knew she was really too tired and it was already past her bedtime. I took her out of the stroller (I use the stroller to get us in and out of the parking garage) and kept her shoes (her "Abby's" as she calls them b/c they are Abby Cadaby from Sesame Street) on and stood her up at her "walker". Scarlett started to suck her sleeve and used her other hand to hold her sleeve hand in place. There she was...STANDING on her own without holding onto anything and she didn't even realize. I quickly ran over to her b/c I was worried she would topple over as she was so tired.
That's it. I had insomnia last night...think I was waiting for Scarlett to wake up and need more advil....but she slept beautifully through the night - I finished a great book "The Virgin Cure" and tried to fall asleep.
This morning she was singing and dancing her way into daycare.
G'night. CD 11 tomorrow morning.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
CD9 and cuddles
These late mornings arriving at work are killing me!!! When I went through monitoring to have Scarlett my appointments were always at 6:30am and I would get to school super early. Now that I have to get Scarlett to daycare in the mornings, I have to do drop off at 7am and so I make my appointments at 7:30. In any case, I've now gotten to school at 9am on two days due to monitoring running late. I'm wondering if any teachers are starting to wonder why suddenly I'm coming in late. Today I made the excuse that it was raining and I got Scarlett to daycare late, but how long can this go on for?
Today was my CD9. The long wait is b/c on Wednesday my RE is on site in W. So there are a lot more patients than on an average monitoring day. My lining is still VERY thin. Luckily we know what worked when I conceived Scarlett. So I am now up to 3 estrace per day and they also started me on one patch per week - if things carry on as planned, I will be up to three patches, three pills and a vaginal in no time. Bring on the estrogen :)
I go back for monitoring on Friday for CD11 - to RH....but I have a 7:50 appt. I really hope that I get taken relatively early. I was going to call tomorrow for a cancellation, but they aren't there tomorrow. Maybe I should try to arrive early and they might take me early. Hmmmm. Then I get the weekend to myself and I don't go in again until Holiday Monday. That means I can have my playdate and go to a birthday party. Yay!
A cute story: Yesterday, my parents picked up Scarlett from daycare, as they often do when I have to work late or go to tutoring or an appointment. I got to their house a little after five and Scarlett crawled over to me saying "hug...cuddle". And she did...she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me so hard. And then she said "oooohhh"...and giggled, and said, "hug...cuddle" and turned her head the other way and hugged me again saying "oooohhhh."....I am just so in love with her.
Time to get ready for bed. Glad I could blog tonight.
Today was my CD9. The long wait is b/c on Wednesday my RE is on site in W. So there are a lot more patients than on an average monitoring day. My lining is still VERY thin. Luckily we know what worked when I conceived Scarlett. So I am now up to 3 estrace per day and they also started me on one patch per week - if things carry on as planned, I will be up to three patches, three pills and a vaginal in no time. Bring on the estrogen :)
I go back for monitoring on Friday for CD11 - to RH....but I have a 7:50 appt. I really hope that I get taken relatively early. I was going to call tomorrow for a cancellation, but they aren't there tomorrow. Maybe I should try to arrive early and they might take me early. Hmmmm. Then I get the weekend to myself and I don't go in again until Holiday Monday. That means I can have my playdate and go to a birthday party. Yay!
A cute story: Yesterday, my parents picked up Scarlett from daycare, as they often do when I have to work late or go to tutoring or an appointment. I got to their house a little after five and Scarlett crawled over to me saying "hug...cuddle". And she did...she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me so hard. And then she said "oooohhh"...and giggled, and said, "hug...cuddle" and turned her head the other way and hugged me again saying "oooohhhh."....I am just so in love with her.
Time to get ready for bed. Glad I could blog tonight.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Recap of Friday and Saturday morning.
Yesterday was the Mother's Day Breakfast at Scarlett's Daycare. It was just so nice to give her breakfast there and not rush right off to work. Scarlett "made" me a card and a flower pot with a flower with her smiling face in the middle. It really was such a nice gift and I will keep her little flowery face as my table centrepiece.
My anxiety and vertigo seems to be coming down. Yesterday at recess, I was talking to another teacher who was confiding in me about her own anxiety issues. She was very apparently shaking the way I have noticed in myself the past little while. Not to play on her own problems, but I felt very relieved knowing that my body shakes were nothing more than anxiety and not some debilitating illness that was starting to quickly take over my body. It reassured me that I'm going to be okay while I could also sympathize with her at the same time.
Today the vertigo has been much more mild, although it's been settling in for a little while now this afternoon. I will definitely have to get out for a brisk walk or do some skipping or jumping around for a while. I'm sure that with my period leaving the vertigo will go away too.
Scarlett and I had a lovely Saturday morning together. She fed herself her breakfast, dipping her spoon into her berries (with me holding the bowl) and then to her mouth. Then she did the same with her "o's". I am so proud of her. We went to the grocery store - I have yet to put her into the cart. I just use the stroller and hang bags off the back. She's so comfortable in there and can look out at everything happening and I just didn't need so many things. Then we met up with a friend and her son at the park by my place for an impromptu outdoor playdate. Scarlett was insisting on "walk, walk" but she can't walk and needs her walker. She was very happy to hold my hands and "walk, walk".
Scarlett also enjoyed eating sand for the first time. You would think after the first time she wouldn't have tried it again....no, she tried it again! LOL....she's teething and that shovel was going into the mouth with or without sand on it.
One final thing....
I was reading our weekly agenda for this coming week and I noticed that I was booked in for a meeting on Wednesday morning from 8:30 - 10:00 am. Well, that's a shock. There are a lot of issues going down at my work these days involving administration and some upset staff members. I am trying to keep my nose clean. But at the same time, to find out that I am scheduled for a meeting by reading the weekly and not being told personally was frustrating. Not to mention that Wednesday is my CD9 and I have an u/s and b/w and the review with my doctor to find out why he wanted to see me. I won't be at work for 8:30am. I emailed to question my administration about what the meeting was for (it's for my new position next year) and to say that I wouldn't be there before 8:45. I just think there is some sort of disconnect when we aren't asked if we are available to meet when meetings are scheduled. How about letting me know that I'll have to prepare for someone to be covering my class. Oh boy!
I'm looking forward to our Mother's Day together tomorrow.
My anxiety and vertigo seems to be coming down. Yesterday at recess, I was talking to another teacher who was confiding in me about her own anxiety issues. She was very apparently shaking the way I have noticed in myself the past little while. Not to play on her own problems, but I felt very relieved knowing that my body shakes were nothing more than anxiety and not some debilitating illness that was starting to quickly take over my body. It reassured me that I'm going to be okay while I could also sympathize with her at the same time.
Today the vertigo has been much more mild, although it's been settling in for a little while now this afternoon. I will definitely have to get out for a brisk walk or do some skipping or jumping around for a while. I'm sure that with my period leaving the vertigo will go away too.
Scarlett and I had a lovely Saturday morning together. She fed herself her breakfast, dipping her spoon into her berries (with me holding the bowl) and then to her mouth. Then she did the same with her "o's". I am so proud of her. We went to the grocery store - I have yet to put her into the cart. I just use the stroller and hang bags off the back. She's so comfortable in there and can look out at everything happening and I just didn't need so many things. Then we met up with a friend and her son at the park by my place for an impromptu outdoor playdate. Scarlett was insisting on "walk, walk" but she can't walk and needs her walker. She was very happy to hold my hands and "walk, walk".
Scarlett also enjoyed eating sand for the first time. You would think after the first time she wouldn't have tried it again....no, she tried it again! LOL....she's teething and that shovel was going into the mouth with or without sand on it.
One final thing....
I was reading our weekly agenda for this coming week and I noticed that I was booked in for a meeting on Wednesday morning from 8:30 - 10:00 am. Well, that's a shock. There are a lot of issues going down at my work these days involving administration and some upset staff members. I am trying to keep my nose clean. But at the same time, to find out that I am scheduled for a meeting by reading the weekly and not being told personally was frustrating. Not to mention that Wednesday is my CD9 and I have an u/s and b/w and the review with my doctor to find out why he wanted to see me. I won't be at work for 8:30am. I emailed to question my administration about what the meeting was for (it's for my new position next year) and to say that I wouldn't be there before 8:45. I just think there is some sort of disconnect when we aren't asked if we are available to meet when meetings are scheduled. How about letting me know that I'll have to prepare for someone to be covering my class. Oh boy!
I'm looking forward to our Mother's Day together tomorrow.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
CD3 and a lot of anxiety
I'm going to start this post by saying that I am feeling a lot better right now than I have throughout most of the day. These intense feelings of anxiety I've been having lately, coupled with the extreme vertigo that came back with the onset of my period has been really scaring me. Although I can get anxious with new situations, it has never manifested itself the way it has the past little while with the shaking arms and hands and vertigo. I know my vertigo gets worse with stress but I think it was the period that pushed it over the edge. Actually just writing this blog I am feeling the dizziness settle in again. It's so weird how I was feeling okay just before sitting down to write. I actually debated not writing, but I didn't want to let today go undocumented...it is definitely a part of my journey of being a choice mom and T42.
I had my CD3 appointment in W... a little further from home but I got to be at my clinic where it all began and speak with my nurse who has supported me all along. I was given the prescriptions for the estrace (hurray!!! maybe I can start to feel normal again. No more washing my hair every day. I can then colour my hair for the first time in more than 2 years before I transfer. Good bye pimples and oily skin and hair. Hello good moods returning! Estrogen is my friend!) and prometrium, but told not to fill the prometrium yet. That's okay...I'm in no hurry to fast for three hours and take on the extra dizziness that could go with it.
Today I started one estrogen a day for three days, then I move onto 2 a day for three days, and then 3 a day....it won't be long until I'm on the three patches, the three estrace, and the vaginal pill.
I got to school just as the bell rang....what a morning. I felt rushed all morning....it didn't help that the vertigo took me back three years to when I first had it...I felt awful. Knowing the best cure for vertigo is exercise, I decided to spend my lunch hour getting outside for a brisk walk. Just before I left to go out, I saw that the M. location of the clinic had called me. That was weird since I went to W. this morning. I checked my voicemail and they said that my doctor wanted me to schedule a "review" with him. Well, of course that sent my anxiety spinning even more. Why would he want to review with me? I just saw him on Monday and he told me to come back when my period came and start on CD3, which I did today. My nurse saw me today and got me started on everything and scheduled me to see him on CD9. Why would he want to see me now? What's wrong with my test results?
I called my nurse in W. as I headed out for my walk - I figured I'd walk and talk. She was as confused as I was and told me she would look into it and call me back. I'm so glad I went to W. this morning and was dealing with her. She has been so great with me and I think she goes above and beyond her duties. She could have told me to look into it. I also told her that it is very hard for me to get out to M. on the weekends and since I am seeing the doctor on Wednesday anyway, why can't I have my review at that time?
She called me back and said that she spoke to the receptionist who left me the message. She told me that there was "nothing to worry about," when I asked if it was because of my test results. And she said that it is fine if I have my review with him next Wednesday.
I continued my walk for 25 minutes and went back into school to eat lunch. I was dizzy the rest of the day. Today I paid $1650 for my FET and what if I was making a mistake? I know that I'm not. I know this is what I want to do and it's not a mistake. I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling so anxious. I wasn't feeling anxious at all with Scarlett. Maybe it's just all so overwhelming now - it's still a secret from most of the outside world - I have confided in 3 people. There is a very low morale at my work place. It's a stressful time. I'm still thinking about my position next year. But I know I have to let these thoughts go. I have been trying to listen to relaxation guides and sometimes it's helpful.
In any case, CD3 is coming to an end and I'm a few days closer to my FET!
I had my CD3 appointment in W... a little further from home but I got to be at my clinic where it all began and speak with my nurse who has supported me all along. I was given the prescriptions for the estrace (hurray!!! maybe I can start to feel normal again. No more washing my hair every day. I can then colour my hair for the first time in more than 2 years before I transfer. Good bye pimples and oily skin and hair. Hello good moods returning! Estrogen is my friend!) and prometrium, but told not to fill the prometrium yet. That's okay...I'm in no hurry to fast for three hours and take on the extra dizziness that could go with it.
Today I started one estrogen a day for three days, then I move onto 2 a day for three days, and then 3 a day....it won't be long until I'm on the three patches, the three estrace, and the vaginal pill.
I got to school just as the bell rang....what a morning. I felt rushed all morning....it didn't help that the vertigo took me back three years to when I first had it...I felt awful. Knowing the best cure for vertigo is exercise, I decided to spend my lunch hour getting outside for a brisk walk. Just before I left to go out, I saw that the M. location of the clinic had called me. That was weird since I went to W. this morning. I checked my voicemail and they said that my doctor wanted me to schedule a "review" with him. Well, of course that sent my anxiety spinning even more. Why would he want to review with me? I just saw him on Monday and he told me to come back when my period came and start on CD3, which I did today. My nurse saw me today and got me started on everything and scheduled me to see him on CD9. Why would he want to see me now? What's wrong with my test results?
I called my nurse in W. as I headed out for my walk - I figured I'd walk and talk. She was as confused as I was and told me she would look into it and call me back. I'm so glad I went to W. this morning and was dealing with her. She has been so great with me and I think she goes above and beyond her duties. She could have told me to look into it. I also told her that it is very hard for me to get out to M. on the weekends and since I am seeing the doctor on Wednesday anyway, why can't I have my review at that time?
She called me back and said that she spoke to the receptionist who left me the message. She told me that there was "nothing to worry about," when I asked if it was because of my test results. And she said that it is fine if I have my review with him next Wednesday.
I continued my walk for 25 minutes and went back into school to eat lunch. I was dizzy the rest of the day. Today I paid $1650 for my FET and what if I was making a mistake? I know that I'm not. I know this is what I want to do and it's not a mistake. I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling so anxious. I wasn't feeling anxious at all with Scarlett. Maybe it's just all so overwhelming now - it's still a secret from most of the outside world - I have confided in 3 people. There is a very low morale at my work place. It's a stressful time. I'm still thinking about my position next year. But I know I have to let these thoughts go. I have been trying to listen to relaxation guides and sometimes it's helpful.
In any case, CD3 is coming to an end and I'm a few days closer to my FET!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A bath time story
My mom was over tonight while I gave Scarlett her bath. I was washing her while she played and Scarlett likes to talk to me while she bathes. She started by saying "back" while I washed her back. Then she said, "ina" pronounced "eye-na". My mom asked me what she was saying. I said to Scarlett, "no, we wash your vagina at the end of the bath." My mom said, "why don't you say privates?" I told her that it is only when we don't use the proper language that it becomes an uncomfortable word and that of course I would use the correct name of the body part.
In other news, tomorrow is CD3 - I begin my monitoring for my transfer cycle :)
Also, my vertigo has been absolutely terrible today. I'm sure it is linked to my period. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.
In other news, tomorrow is CD3 - I begin my monitoring for my transfer cycle :)
Also, my vertigo has been absolutely terrible today. I'm sure it is linked to my period. Hoping tomorrow is a better day.
Mother's Day Friday
I got a full night sleep last night and woke up on my own this morning. It must be the effects of Aunt Flo (thanks Tiara) knocking me out. I woke up feeling refreshed...but also with a clear head, I realized that if I book a CD4 appt close to me for Friday, I won't get to go to Scarlett's Mother's Day Breakfast at the daycare. I got very upset about that. I don't want to disappoint her having her see everyone else's mommy there and not me. So now I have to try to get an appointment for tomorrow at the location a little further away and hope they aren't completely booked. I guess it will be worth it.
I got a lovely email this morning from one of Scarlett's teachers about what I am struggling with for daycare.
"And for my selfish reasons...I am so looking forward to seeing Scarlett in the toddler room. I can't wait to see how fast she'll learn in there. Already all the teachers come by to see her in the baby room and they are amazed by how gifted she is, we can't even imagine how amazing and advanced she will be in the toddler room. "
As Scarlett's mommy, I couldn't feel prouder to hear that all the teachers from the other classrooms still come in to see Scarlett. I love that so many people are enjoying her baby years as much as I do. This kind of comment also makes me struggle more with what to do about daycare. I know she is in a wonderful place right now. But to spend between $2200 and $3000 not to send her, or to send her a little bit just because I am paying that money is ridiculous to me. I am so torn, but I still have until Friday to hear what the head office decides. I'm relatively certain they won't give up my spot and let me back in. If they did for me, they'd have to for all of the other teachers. And judging by things I've heard lately, my instincts were right about the daycare down the street. There is a reason why the toddler room is only half full when the location Scarlett is at has a 6-12 month waiting list.
I hear Scarlett stirring early this morning, it's only 6:35am. I hope she sleeps for another hour. She really needs the sleep. I should try to get some work done. Or some exercise to alleviate the anxieties and vertigo I've been feeling.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Period arrived early???
So yesterday was my biopsy, as I blogged yesterday. I remember they had told me that the biopsy should be on CD25ish. But mine was on CD22. They actually wanted to do it today, but I had an all day workshop that I couldn't miss. Well, it's a good thing that the biopsy was yesterday....I think my period arrived EARLY!
Now, I can't be sure. It may be residue from my biopsy....but this isn't just spotting like from a procedure. This seems to be an actual period.
So, here's what worries me. Technically they do the biopsy 3 days or so before your period arrives - but mine was done yesterday (if this is in fact my period). Does that mean that the biopsy of my uterus didn't make my lining sticky after all? I need to call my nurse in the morning to find out.
If it is my period, then the timing that I had all figured out (LOL) doesn't actually work out at all, and I'm probably looking at a transfer in the middle of grade 3 testing, which means having all of the teachers rearrange their days b/c I'll have to be away. ALTHOUGH, I just counted and CD19, 20, 21 are the weekend and a Monday that I actually have off. If they can build my lining enough to transfer on one of those days it might not affect the grade 3 testing after all! LOL....I find everything to stress about these days.
And, if this is my period (I'm still unsure), then it would really explain a lot about my vertigo. Remember, I never really get natural periods. When I was on the pill and my period came, it would trigger the vertigo. I hate feeling so heavy headed and dizzy. It makes it very difficult to work and then be my best for Scarlett - and really she is the one who I want to give my all to.
I keep saying, "if it is my period". I think I'm mostly confused b/c my temperature was still up this morning, although now that I went back to look at my numbers, I see that my temperature has actually been dropping a little for the past 3 days. So it probably is my period. I'm going to schedule my CD3 as a CD4 on Friday. Then I can go close to home.
It's 8:41pm. I desperately want to climb into bed and read (The Virgin Cure - it's fabulous) and make it an early night. I have a busy day at work tomorrow.
Now, I can't be sure. It may be residue from my biopsy....but this isn't just spotting like from a procedure. This seems to be an actual period.
So, here's what worries me. Technically they do the biopsy 3 days or so before your period arrives - but mine was done yesterday (if this is in fact my period). Does that mean that the biopsy of my uterus didn't make my lining sticky after all? I need to call my nurse in the morning to find out.
If it is my period, then the timing that I had all figured out (LOL) doesn't actually work out at all, and I'm probably looking at a transfer in the middle of grade 3 testing, which means having all of the teachers rearrange their days b/c I'll have to be away. ALTHOUGH, I just counted and CD19, 20, 21 are the weekend and a Monday that I actually have off. If they can build my lining enough to transfer on one of those days it might not affect the grade 3 testing after all! LOL....I find everything to stress about these days.
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| A self portrait! |
I keep saying, "if it is my period". I think I'm mostly confused b/c my temperature was still up this morning, although now that I went back to look at my numbers, I see that my temperature has actually been dropping a little for the past 3 days. So it probably is my period. I'm going to schedule my CD3 as a CD4 on Friday. Then I can go close to home.
It's 8:41pm. I desperately want to climb into bed and read (The Virgin Cure - it's fabulous) and make it an early night. I have a busy day at work tomorrow.
Monday, May 7, 2012
What a day!
I took the morning off today to have my biopsy of my uterus done. As I drove out to M. this morning I felt so tired and my eyes felt so heavy. I didn't realize it was going to be a bad vertigo day. I'm not sure how far back you have been following my blog so I'll remind you of my history.
I decided to become a choice mom after spending a year dealing with vertigo - the kind I have is called Vestibular Neurontis. Three years ago, I got a cold that turned into one very awful dizzy spell. After finally getting seen at a dizziness clinic I was diagnosed correctly. Vertigo is awful b/c it's an invisible illness - no one can see on the outside what is going on inside. An ENT and a neurologist both told me I needed to see a psychiatrist. I'm so glad that the testing proved that I had lost 60% of my balance in my right ear. It was after being sick for so long that I decided that there was more to life than going out dancing and having a good time and although I wasn't looking for a spouse, I was ready to have a baby. I was very active at that time in my life as I knew that it took away many of my vertigo symptoms - the more active I am the more the left ear sends the signals to my brain.
Once I returned to work this year, I quit the gym b/c I knew I couldn't get there anymore anyway. I've been doing little bits of exercise several days a week in my condo, but I know it's not enough. Anyway, today was a bad vertigo day. Plus, I have a new trigger with the vertigo that I didn't have before recently - I can't bend my head downwards - for example, if there is a newspaper on the table and I want to sort through to find a certain section, I have to either sit down beside the paper or lift it up to me. I'm not complaining, just explaining. So, I should have been aware that my heavy eyes were telling me I was going to have a vertigo day.
My appointment went fine...a little cramping and then I was finished. No more procedures. Now I wait for a period to arrive so I can start my transfer cycle. If my period doesn't come on its own, I am to go back in a week to get things started. But, we both (the RE and me) believe that I will get a period based on my u/s and me knowing my temperatures are still up.
Before I made the 30 minute drive back home I called the daycare to ask if I could come in to speak with the supervisor. I got in to see her and spoke to her about getting a break in the summer. If I'm not going to send Scarlett to daycare, I can't justify spending close to $3000. She sympathized with me, as she knows my situation, but explained she doesn't make the decisions and that b/c it's a business, the owners most likely won't go for it. She said what will probably happen is they will give me the option of paying the toddler room price and not the infant room price - $2200. But she said she would call and plead my case - I figure why not play the "choice mom" card? It's not like there is any child support coming in. I love this daycare, but I know that I could save the money and be happy elsewhere too. Scarlett will no longer be in the infant room.
The supervisor called over to the next closest daycare in their company which is really just up the street. They let me drive right over to take a look. Their toddler room is only at half capacity. Why is it that at the daycare Scarlett is at, there is a waitlist of 6-12 months, when down the street the centre is half-full? Does that mean there is a problem with the centre? The place was clean and had the same meals as the centre where Scarlett currently is. The supervisor was very business like. I mentioned that since there is availability I don't need to decide right away, and maybe I could just call periodically to see if there are still vacancies. She did not like that at all. She said that wouldn't be fair and I should make up my mind. WTF? Fair to who? You have 7 spaces open. No one is banging down your door to get in.
Pros - same company and there is space for September. I save $3000. I just transfer her information and there is no extra deposit. I can get back into current daycare as soon as a spot opens as a transfer. They have part time so Scarlett could be there when I'm on mat leave.
Cons - room seemed cold (temperature), supervisor seemed cold (personality) and unapproachable, people don't seem to be banging down doors to get in when it's the same company as where Scarlett is currently and there is a long wait list where she is and it's just down the street.
Anyway, I'm waiting for Friday when I will hear if her current daycare will let us take a two month break. I'm not feeling overly hopeful. Another option is there is a lovely lady with a daycare on my parents' street, around the corner from my place. I have only heard good things. She is an unregistered home daycare and she has max. 15 kids with three adults in her small basement. I could stop Scarlett out of her current daycare and have her start up again in September at this lady's. I have always had such a wonderful vibe from this woman. Before Scarlett ever started daycare (if you recall she was supposed to go somewhere else...and actually they still have my deposit and so she technically still has a spot there), I kept thinking that Scarlett should be with this other woman.
So many decisions. If I moved Scarlett to the other centre and then she gets back into her current one, I can transfer her....BUT, if/when I go on mat leave again I want Scarlett in a part time program. The location she's at doesn't have a part time option...so therefore, I'd have to move her yet again! I know, it will all work out!
It's almost ten pm. I started this blog post HOURS ago but then got on the phone. So much for doing some work and getting to bed early.
I decided to become a choice mom after spending a year dealing with vertigo - the kind I have is called Vestibular Neurontis. Three years ago, I got a cold that turned into one very awful dizzy spell. After finally getting seen at a dizziness clinic I was diagnosed correctly. Vertigo is awful b/c it's an invisible illness - no one can see on the outside what is going on inside. An ENT and a neurologist both told me I needed to see a psychiatrist. I'm so glad that the testing proved that I had lost 60% of my balance in my right ear. It was after being sick for so long that I decided that there was more to life than going out dancing and having a good time and although I wasn't looking for a spouse, I was ready to have a baby. I was very active at that time in my life as I knew that it took away many of my vertigo symptoms - the more active I am the more the left ear sends the signals to my brain.
Once I returned to work this year, I quit the gym b/c I knew I couldn't get there anymore anyway. I've been doing little bits of exercise several days a week in my condo, but I know it's not enough. Anyway, today was a bad vertigo day. Plus, I have a new trigger with the vertigo that I didn't have before recently - I can't bend my head downwards - for example, if there is a newspaper on the table and I want to sort through to find a certain section, I have to either sit down beside the paper or lift it up to me. I'm not complaining, just explaining. So, I should have been aware that my heavy eyes were telling me I was going to have a vertigo day.
My appointment went fine...a little cramping and then I was finished. No more procedures. Now I wait for a period to arrive so I can start my transfer cycle. If my period doesn't come on its own, I am to go back in a week to get things started. But, we both (the RE and me) believe that I will get a period based on my u/s and me knowing my temperatures are still up.
Before I made the 30 minute drive back home I called the daycare to ask if I could come in to speak with the supervisor. I got in to see her and spoke to her about getting a break in the summer. If I'm not going to send Scarlett to daycare, I can't justify spending close to $3000. She sympathized with me, as she knows my situation, but explained she doesn't make the decisions and that b/c it's a business, the owners most likely won't go for it. She said what will probably happen is they will give me the option of paying the toddler room price and not the infant room price - $2200. But she said she would call and plead my case - I figure why not play the "choice mom" card? It's not like there is any child support coming in. I love this daycare, but I know that I could save the money and be happy elsewhere too. Scarlett will no longer be in the infant room.
The supervisor called over to the next closest daycare in their company which is really just up the street. They let me drive right over to take a look. Their toddler room is only at half capacity. Why is it that at the daycare Scarlett is at, there is a waitlist of 6-12 months, when down the street the centre is half-full? Does that mean there is a problem with the centre? The place was clean and had the same meals as the centre where Scarlett currently is. The supervisor was very business like. I mentioned that since there is availability I don't need to decide right away, and maybe I could just call periodically to see if there are still vacancies. She did not like that at all. She said that wouldn't be fair and I should make up my mind. WTF? Fair to who? You have 7 spaces open. No one is banging down your door to get in.
Pros - same company and there is space for September. I save $3000. I just transfer her information and there is no extra deposit. I can get back into current daycare as soon as a spot opens as a transfer. They have part time so Scarlett could be there when I'm on mat leave.
Cons - room seemed cold (temperature), supervisor seemed cold (personality) and unapproachable, people don't seem to be banging down doors to get in when it's the same company as where Scarlett is currently and there is a long wait list where she is and it's just down the street.
Anyway, I'm waiting for Friday when I will hear if her current daycare will let us take a two month break. I'm not feeling overly hopeful. Another option is there is a lovely lady with a daycare on my parents' street, around the corner from my place. I have only heard good things. She is an unregistered home daycare and she has max. 15 kids with three adults in her small basement. I could stop Scarlett out of her current daycare and have her start up again in September at this lady's. I have always had such a wonderful vibe from this woman. Before Scarlett ever started daycare (if you recall she was supposed to go somewhere else...and actually they still have my deposit and so she technically still has a spot there), I kept thinking that Scarlett should be with this other woman.
So many decisions. If I moved Scarlett to the other centre and then she gets back into her current one, I can transfer her....BUT, if/when I go on mat leave again I want Scarlett in a part time program. The location she's at doesn't have a part time option...so therefore, I'd have to move her yet again! I know, it will all work out!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
S sick and 3D u/s
Even though Scarlett was sick yesterday, we still had a wonderful day together. The paediatrician said it's just a virus, although there are white dots on her tonsils and her ears are still not better. She is on the antibiotics where you take them for 5 days but they stay on for ten. In any case, he said if it is strep the antibiotics will knock it out. He also said that when we go to see the ENT and I am asked if I want tubes my response is to be "when?" I guess if it will prevent the discomfort that Scarlett has been going through then I have no choice.
When we got home from the doctor her temperature was at 103.6F. I gave her some advil and put her down to sleep. An hour later she was up and playing and we ate a nice dinner together at 7:30p.m. I was just so happy she was feeling better and eating. She finally went back to bed at 8:30 but was up again at 1:30am will a fever of 103.7F. Again I gave her the advil and let her watch tv in my bed until she was drowsy and I put her back to bed.
This morning she woke up at 7:30, no fever but totally out of it. I gave her tempera and her milk and she went right back to sleep until 10:30 - only b/c I had to wake her to get her to my parents' so I could get to M. for my appointment.
So in other news, I went to have my 3D u/s to check my uterus. Everything is fine, which is good, but didn't we already know that from the SHG I just had which was probably not necessary b/c I had a c-section just over a year ago and was probably cleaned out?
I'm getting a little nervous about the timeline for my FET. I have grade 3 testing the last two weeks in May and really cannot be away - supply teachers cannot administer the test and so other teachers would have to scramble to cover me and have a supply cover them. I just looked at the calendar, and if I actually get a natural period in ten more days and I ovulate again on schedule and they transfer five days later, we're looking at a transfer on the day immediately following the grade 3 testing. Which means that I'm pretty sure that it will be an even longer wait and will probably not be until sometime in June....
I'm also trying to keep myself in check with my jitters. I know it is anxiety causing me to feel shaking in my arms. I just need to remember that everything always works out and I can handle having another baby and taking on this new position at work and whatever happens happens. LOL....much easier said than to make my subconscious believe :)
When we got home from the doctor her temperature was at 103.6F. I gave her some advil and put her down to sleep. An hour later she was up and playing and we ate a nice dinner together at 7:30p.m. I was just so happy she was feeling better and eating. She finally went back to bed at 8:30 but was up again at 1:30am will a fever of 103.7F. Again I gave her the advil and let her watch tv in my bed until she was drowsy and I put her back to bed.
This morning she woke up at 7:30, no fever but totally out of it. I gave her tempera and her milk and she went right back to sleep until 10:30 - only b/c I had to wake her to get her to my parents' so I could get to M. for my appointment.
So in other news, I went to have my 3D u/s to check my uterus. Everything is fine, which is good, but didn't we already know that from the SHG I just had which was probably not necessary b/c I had a c-section just over a year ago and was probably cleaned out?
I'm getting a little nervous about the timeline for my FET. I have grade 3 testing the last two weeks in May and really cannot be away - supply teachers cannot administer the test and so other teachers would have to scramble to cover me and have a supply cover them. I just looked at the calendar, and if I actually get a natural period in ten more days and I ovulate again on schedule and they transfer five days later, we're looking at a transfer on the day immediately following the grade 3 testing. Which means that I'm pretty sure that it will be an even longer wait and will probably not be until sometime in June....
I'm also trying to keep myself in check with my jitters. I know it is anxiety causing me to feel shaking in my arms. I just need to remember that everything always works out and I can handle having another baby and taking on this new position at work and whatever happens happens. LOL....much easier said than to make my subconscious believe :)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Another fever for S and Fertility Stuff
Scarlett woke up with a fever this morning. And it's awful to say, but I rushed to get her the tempera and considered sending her to daycare. What is wrong with me? Anyway, I immediately changed my mind and got in touch with a work friend so I could email my plans and have her set up my desk for me. I didn't bother asking my parents to take care of her today because they have really watched her more than their share. I had a very easy day to plan for. And we had a wonderful morning together. We played in the tent, we looked out the window, there were "hugs" and lots of walking with the "walker". I took her to walk in the hall, and then I decided she could go down the elevator and walk to the mail room with me. Now she's napping.
Through all of this, I was on the phone with the fertility clinic A LOT this morning. They have to book me for two procedures - a 3D u/s and a uterus biopsy. On Monday the nurse told me this could be done on the same day. Today I was told otherwise. On Monday I was told I would hear from her on Tuesday with appointment dates, keeping in mind that I was unavailable next Tuesday. No phone call yesterday so I left a message. She called me back this morning telling me she was away yesterday (then why did you tell me you would call me on Tuesday???) She said I was booked for my biopsy on Tuesday - I said, "remember I told you that Tuesday I am not available???" And she also said that I had to have my 3D u/s on Thursday - tomorrow. That means that I will have to take off today and tomorrow from work. FRUSTRATING. I asked if I could have the u/s today since I'm home from work anyway and can arrange babysitting. She told me she would call me back. So I waited and waited and waited. Finally I called...and called...and called until the phone was answered. The receptionist (who I'm sure is the same one who didn't get my chart and had me wait for 2 hours on Sunday based on her voice) said, "the dates are as they were arranged." I said, "There were no dates arranged...I'm waiting for N. to call me back to discuss that with me." Apparently N. was going to call me back, but didn't. That's not acceptable. I was waiting to see if I needed my parents for babysitting. Needless to say, I started crying.
I cried b/c the only appointment time they could give me for tomorrow is 11:30. That's smack dab in the middle of the day. So I can't even take half a day off work, it has to be a full day...plus I was away today. Then I have to go back to M. for 9am on Monday which means taking a 1/2 day on Monday, plus I'm away for a full day on Tuesday to go to a workshop. That's a lot of absence right before grade 3 testing and I still have so many math units to cover in 3 weeks.
Also I've been having a little bit of subconscious anxiety. I feel shaky quite a lot of the time. I think it's b/c of everything that's heading my way. I'm secretly going through all of the fertility stuff again, while being a mom...it's quite different from doing this secretly on my own. My parents keep questioning me (mostly b/c Scarlett keeps getting sick and how will I manage it with two). This makes me question my decision. Plus I'm taking on this new position at school with the technology next year - it's a lot to learn and to change my teaching to make sure I'm integrating technology into everything that I do...I think that's causing me some stress.
I know stress is not great when heading into a FET cycle. I need to find ways to destress. I used to have the gym for that. Yesterday I got out with the staff for the Tues./Fri. walk - but it's not very often that I can get to work for the 8am start time of the walk. The shakiness is really bugging me...I put my day and night wrist splints on to help - I think carrying Scarlett has irritated my carpal and cubital tunnel syndromes, but the internal shaking is stress related. The splints do help, though.
I'm not sure how many readers will read this far without even a cute picture of Scarlett...I better add one for my audience :) I'll write again to update the status of Scarlett's ears.
Through all of this, I was on the phone with the fertility clinic A LOT this morning. They have to book me for two procedures - a 3D u/s and a uterus biopsy. On Monday the nurse told me this could be done on the same day. Today I was told otherwise. On Monday I was told I would hear from her on Tuesday with appointment dates, keeping in mind that I was unavailable next Tuesday. No phone call yesterday so I left a message. She called me back this morning telling me she was away yesterday (then why did you tell me you would call me on Tuesday???) She said I was booked for my biopsy on Tuesday - I said, "remember I told you that Tuesday I am not available???" And she also said that I had to have my 3D u/s on Thursday - tomorrow. That means that I will have to take off today and tomorrow from work. FRUSTRATING. I asked if I could have the u/s today since I'm home from work anyway and can arrange babysitting. She told me she would call me back. So I waited and waited and waited. Finally I called...and called...and called until the phone was answered. The receptionist (who I'm sure is the same one who didn't get my chart and had me wait for 2 hours on Sunday based on her voice) said, "the dates are as they were arranged." I said, "There were no dates arranged...I'm waiting for N. to call me back to discuss that with me." Apparently N. was going to call me back, but didn't. That's not acceptable. I was waiting to see if I needed my parents for babysitting. Needless to say, I started crying.
I cried b/c the only appointment time they could give me for tomorrow is 11:30. That's smack dab in the middle of the day. So I can't even take half a day off work, it has to be a full day...plus I was away today. Then I have to go back to M. for 9am on Monday which means taking a 1/2 day on Monday, plus I'm away for a full day on Tuesday to go to a workshop. That's a lot of absence right before grade 3 testing and I still have so many math units to cover in 3 weeks.
Also I've been having a little bit of subconscious anxiety. I feel shaky quite a lot of the time. I think it's b/c of everything that's heading my way. I'm secretly going through all of the fertility stuff again, while being a mom...it's quite different from doing this secretly on my own. My parents keep questioning me (mostly b/c Scarlett keeps getting sick and how will I manage it with two). This makes me question my decision. Plus I'm taking on this new position at school with the technology next year - it's a lot to learn and to change my teaching to make sure I'm integrating technology into everything that I do...I think that's causing me some stress.
I know stress is not great when heading into a FET cycle. I need to find ways to destress. I used to have the gym for that. Yesterday I got out with the staff for the Tues./Fri. walk - but it's not very often that I can get to work for the 8am start time of the walk. The shakiness is really bugging me...I put my day and night wrist splints on to help - I think carrying Scarlett has irritated my carpal and cubital tunnel syndromes, but the internal shaking is stress related. The splints do help, though.
I'm not sure how many readers will read this far without even a cute picture of Scarlett...I better add one for my audience :) I'll write again to update the status of Scarlett's ears.
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