A wonderful weekend

Didn't want my weekend to end on such a sad note by only writing the previous post.  SR and I had a wonderful weekend.  People always stop me to ask me how old she is.  To look at her, it's obvious she's still a baby.  But to hear her speak is mind boggling.  I have recently been asked if she is three.  She's not even two yet.

On Saturday, we had our second Monkeynastix program.  SR LOVES it.  She follows all of the instructions.        She even went up to the instructor to give something to her and said, "Thank you, Jessica."  This is without prompting from me.  It's only a 30 minute class, but SR soaks up every minute.  There is circle time where SR follows the stretching instructions.  Then there is a rotation of activities.  SR followed the instructor around the rotations while she was explaining, soaking it all up.  B/c we live in a condo, she doesn't have stairs here.  She will crawl up (and sometimes down) the stairs at my parents house, and she loves to step up onto the curb or climb the stairs at the park while holding my hand.  But this isn't much practise.  One of the rotations was three little stools to step up on, then down, and then onto the next stool.  She could have done that the whole time.  There was a trampoline, but SR only wanted to practise climbing onto and off of it.  She's not so adventurous, so she never tries to sit on the couch - which means I don't need to worry about leaving her alone.

From Monkeynastix, we went to a fire station open house that my friend told me about.  It was great - but SR would have enjoyed it more next year.  There were fire engines and police cars they could sit in (she didn't want to).  We tried to have our picture taken sitting together on the front of a fire truck, but she didn't want that either.  She just wanted to walk around and look at everything.

On Sunday, we were at the shoe store to exchange her new boots for the next size up (I didn't know that rule when I bought them on Friday), and she started to talk to me.  I don't remember our exact conversation, but all of a sudden she said, "...because....I'm thinking."  WHAT?  WHEN DID SHE LEARN TO SAY BECAUSE?  And she's thinking?  Too cute.  Then she went through her entire repertoire of songs.  Entertained the whole store.

A comment about SR at the park.  We are usually one of few who bring sand toys.  Needless to say, we always end up sharing with complete strangers.  I don't usually mind - except when parents think that I'm there to babysit their children.  But I have to say, for 21 months, she is wonderful at sharing with complete strangers.  I always tell kids that they can use what SR is not using.  And she can share if she wants to.  I praise her for sharing.  And when someone asks her to use something, she almost always passes it over.  Often not receiving a thank you for sharing.  Yet when the child gives it back, SR always says "thank you" before carrying on.  I'm so glad she doesn't get upset when other people want to play with her stuff.  I know that could change as she gets older, but for now, I just am bursting with pride.

ONE MORE THING...SR is noticing "daddy" more and more.  We've been reading Robert Munsch "I have to go".  There is a daddy in the book.  She points him out and says "daddy".  So I say, "some people have a daddy, and some don't."  Then I ask her, "Does SR have a daddy?" and she says, "nooooo" and I say, "SR has a mommy."  "Does _______ have a daddy?" and again we say, "nooooo" (choice mom family).  Then I choose a different family who does have a daddy and we say, "yes...____________ has a daddy."  That seems to work for now.

Raylene Rankin Died :(

Anyone who knows me well will tell you my favourite music group is The Rankin Family.  I have seen them perform more times than I can count.  I have so many memories of this family, their shows, singing along to them in the car, talking to them at meet and greets.

The group consisted of 5 siblings - 3 sisters and 2 brothers.  They formed in 1989 and I've been listening to them since about 1990 or 1991.

John Morris died in 2000.  I thought they would never perform again, but they reunited in 2007 and I have been a devoted groupie since then.

Raylene passed away this weekend at age 52.  I'm so sad.  I'm just so sad.

21 months old!!!

SR is 21 months old today.  I am just more in awe of her every day.  She's got such a wonderful personality.  She's so smart and always smiling and singing.  Lately she's been so warm and affectionate to her friends and teachers.  Offering huggies when she leaves, saying each friend by name at school to say goodbye.  We get to have complete conversations now because she is just so in tune with everything that is happening.  And the way she sings songs - makes up her own words to familiar tunes depending on our situation - where does this come from?

I'm so glad it's the weekend and we get to spend our time together.  This was only a 3 day work week for me - one day was a Jewish Holiday, and today was a PA day so no kids.  One month into the school year and I'm just not enjoying my year.  My students are an....interesting bunch.  I keep saying to myself that each one has a parent (or more) who loves them.

I am not going to our Meet the Teacher night on Wednesday - most schools have cancelled them outright to protest what the government is doing to us.  I don't have babysitting and so I have chosen my voluntary right to not go.  I'm actually surprised that my staff is following through on the evening.  I spent MANY nights crying about this - but now that I have actually told the principal I won't be there, I am much calmer.  I'm happy that I'll be home with my baby instead of subjecting her to being at someone's home much later than her bedtime without me present.  I just don't know how this will affect me in the long run with my principal and the parents of my students.  Oh well.  I have a wonderful reputation at the school and my daughter comes first right now.

I want to post our daily schedule to follow this fun trend.  I have enjoyed reading everyone's days.  But I'm just too tired (hence the brief post about SR turning 21 months).  I wanted to be in bed reading at 10.  It's just about 11 and I don't see reading in my future tonight.

My cycle is moving right along - tomorrow is CD6 and I start two estrace per day over the one I was on the past three days.  If I get pregnant in October, then I just need to get through this school year and I get a year break...more than a year - July to the following September!  At least that will give me some perspective on this awful start to the school year.

So much to report...

So much to report....so I'll start with a brag!

Today was Yom Kippur, so I was home with SR (except when I left her at daycare to go for my CD3 u/s).  After her afternoon nap, she was playing and then she stopped and said, "Make a pee pee.  Potty?"  Just to recap, I tried to put her on the potty at the beginning of July.  She really only wanted to read the books that I kept in there for her so nothing ever happened.  But in her new daycare classroom (the toddler room) some of the older kids are potty training.  So, I listened to her and told her to come to her potty.  I put the Dora (what else?) potty seat on the toilet and we got her pants and diaper off.  Sure enough, SR kept saying "Read books!  A different book!" as we read through our different books I keep for her in the bathroom.  But just when I thought she was wasting my time...SHE PEED ON THE POTTY!!!!  She asked to pee on the potty and then she did!  No training.  No prep work.  She just asked to go!  

Today was my CD3 u/s.  Considering I had the day off work b/c of Yom Kippur, I should have gone to the W. location where my Dr. was today.  I wasn't thinking straight when I made this appointment.  I originally thought it was a work day, so I had 7:20 booked.  But then I called back and quickly changed it to 9:40 so SR could sleep until her desired wake up since there was no rush to go early in the morning.  I should have remembered that there is more competence at the W. location.  I have had mostly problems at R. location.  

To start with, they didn't ask me for a payment today - normally they do before starting a transfer cycle.  I was worried that they didn't know it was a transfer cycle so I even asked about it.  They told me to pay next visit...????  Then, the nurse was away - the same nurse who didn't remember to call after my Beta test.  Her replacement was the nurse in training who seems to have been in training since my m/c in July (but I may be thinking back too far).  She had no idea what to do or say.  It's a good think I know the protocol.  I told her I needed to start my Estrace today, and she asked me if I knew how much???  WTF?  If I didn't say anything they wouldn't have started me on it.  I wanted to take the script into the pharmacy and wait for it while SR was still in daycare, but in the end she had to phone the dr and call in my script.  She left me a voice message sounding so proud of herself saying she even gave me 4 repeats!  

When I picked up the prescription I was PISSED OFF....how nice of her to give me 4 repeats on 18 pills!  Now I need to go every week to the pharmacy to pick more pills up....for 3 months???  (if all goes well and I have a successful pregnancy).  I'm sorry, but with a full time job and an almost 21 month old, I am NOT going to the pharmacy every week to pick up more pills.  They are going to have to change this script.  I remember last cycle being frustrated with 56 pills (or something similar).  18 pills!  OMGosh!  

And it's a good thing I know to book for CD10 for my next visit.  She didn't tell me that either!  When I conceived SR with them, I felt completely safe and that I was more than just a number.  Since they have renovated all their sites and added a fifth location (R) I don't think they can keep up with the mass amounts of people.

In any case, I'm on my way to PUPO....CD3...almost CD4.  My lining is 3.1....thinnest lining I think I've ever had....this may be a long wait until my transfer.

I've been VERY stressed the past two days...lots of tears.  Don't want to get into it.  Has to do with the politics between our union and the government and how the principal is handling things.  It also has to do with being a choice mom and my parents are away.  And how I'm going to tell the principal I'm going to do what is right for me since what is "expected" is actually "voluntary".  I can't go into it further.  Just that I have wasted too much energy on it so far when all I really wanted to do tonight is watch the premier of "the middle".  

And my class is a zoo!  Makes going to work VERY unenjoyable this year.  And it's still only September.  

At least I come home to my SR every night.  

AF woes and a fun weekend!

I have been thinking it's CD1 since Thursday!  For the past 4 days I have been spotting brown blood.  This is my first period since my July miscarriage.  I also ovulated, which is rare, and had thick lining.  I'm not sure what is happening.  This is making it very difficult to book my CD3 appointment.  I originally called Friday and booked CD3 for Monday.  I have since cancelled and made it on Tuesday.  Also, I've been temp tracking and my temperature was still high this morning.  I'm really hoping that I can keep my Tuesday appointment though b/c it is at the perfect time for me to still get to work on time, even if they are running late.

In other news, SR and I had a fun weekend.  On Saturday we had our first Monkeynastix class.  I was so proud of my baby.  She followed all of the instructions from the teacher without my help.  She went to the circle and found her "spot."  She could raise and lower her arms, touch all of her body parts when asked.  She listened and watched for how the teacher used the sticks that were handed out.  And when they were finished she gave them back to the teacher by walking over to her.  The activities outside of the circle were focussed on balance.  SR is not very daring.  She has only once climbed on a couch (at my grandmother's) and has never tried again since.  She is just cautious, I guess.  So, she was hesitant about walking on the balance beam while holding my hands.  She did try to balance and walk across a foam piece on the floor.  But she loved crawling through the tunnel.

This morning, I joined another choice mom and her son (other people were supposed to come but backed out due to weather or other situations) at a nearby farm.  Scarlett had a blast.  We bundled up a lot - long sleeve t-shirts (onesie in her case), hoodies, and warm jackets and hats.  But we were certainly dressed for the weather.  We also got to know a lovely choice family.

SR found out that she LOVES pumpkins.  I think she would have stayed at the pumpkins for the entire visit.















The wagon ride was definitely a highlight.  SR loved the hay and looking at all her surroundings.  She laughed when she toppled backwards into the soft hay.


To end our day, I bought SR a tiny pumpkin.  We won't be doing any carving this year - we live in a condo and won't be trick or treating.  Plus, it goes past her bedtime.  But we will be dressing up to go to Bruce's Mill for a Saturday afternoon trick-or-treating.


Final news, my parents left today for Israel for three weeks.  I'm hoping SR is healthy as I don't have a back-up plan for child care.

Happy New Year

I haven't written in a while.  I have just caught up on reading so many blogs.  I feel bad when I can't comment on each one but when I'm this far behind I think it's better to read than to comment.

Today was my CD21 uterus biopsy.  Now I just wait for CD1 to call the clinic and book my CD3 appt to get my next transfer cycle rolling.  I'm really enjoying reading about several of you going through this journey at the same time.  It's exciting to know that we could all end up pregnant within the same time frame, even if it takes longer for some of us.

A colleague at work who miscarried just before I did made a comment the other day to me that really hit home.  She said her miscarriage didn't feel real until she returned to work.  Last spring when she was pregnant, she knew she would be going on mat leave at a certain point in this school year.  I felt the same way.  Now we are both back to square one and knowing we have a full school year to face, if not more depending on if/when we get pregnant again.  It seems to be a very long school year as my students this year are a challenging group.  I have certainly enjoyed the extra long weekend with Rosh Hashana taking up my Monday and Tuesday.  I can only imagine the state of my classroom and students after two days without me.  Back to square one.

My SR continues to blow me away.  She answers questions that really require some thought - I can ask her what she did at school, or who she played with, what she had for lunch.

She plays with her toys like she is well over her young 20 months - imaginative play - almost acting like I do with her...telling her figurines to go to sleep or asking them questions.  Now she asks me questions that I would normally ask her.  For example she'll say, "what colour is this?" and wait for me to answer.  Usually I give a silly answer and she corrects me.

She is pretty demanding with me...if I bend down to her level, she says, "mommy, stand up" or she says, "mommy, sit down."  You get the point.

I'm not sure if I blogged this before, but for a while she was saying "I'm making a fart" when she was pooing. She now will pretend potty with her figurines either on play chairs or on her potty seat, although I have shown her not to put it on the toilet - I don't want her figurines to fall in.  But she's not ready to potty train yet.

I'm also not sure if I shared her beautiful story so I'll post it again.  We were in Walmart and SR was in the shopping cart.  I gave her a cookie.  She said, "beautiful cookie".  We had a talk about how cookies aren't usually considered beautiful.  Instead we use words like... and she said, "delicious."  Then we said tasty and yummy were good choices too.  Now's it's become a game.  She says "delicious _____________" for whatever she is eating.  Then I say, "Is it beautiful?" and she says, "nooooo, it's tasty".

I better get to bed...I just wanted to post a few things.  A quick recap on my previous post about babysitting.  My parents are booked to go to Israel leaving Sunday for just under 3 weeks.  I have a fellow choice mom and her nanny who will take SR for the evening for me when I have meet-the-teacher-night.  Hopefully the evening goes okay.  It will be a late night as we are supposed to be present until 7:30 and SR goes to bed around 7:15.  That means she will be a cranky mess with my friend.  Maybe I'll ask her to give her milk and help her into her PJ's...that way I can just put her straight to bed when we get home.

I'll try to keep up with the posts and readings.  I value this community and this outlet so much.

Quick post...very late

Waiting to ovulate - thinking it will be tonight or tomorrow.  Follicle was over 2cm this morning...from me, when I RARELY grow follicles.

SR is so cute at daycare drop off now....she says "shut the door (gate)...bye bye" and goes and plays  - of course after we've had a million huggies and kisses.  But she doesn't cry anymore at drop off...I'm relieved.  And at pick up she always smiles and runs to me saying "Mommy come back" (as in, mommy, you said you would come back and you did).  Then she says "Out the door" so we can go home.

But this quick post (b/c I'm exhausted and should have been in bed ages ago) is about the fact that my parents, who do everything to help me, have planned a trip to visit my brother and his family in Israel.  That's great!

But, I just read in my school newsletter to the parents the date of our "curriculum night"...it is while they are away and it is over the dinner/getting ready for bed time.

I have no one to babysit...and I wouldn't leave her with just anyone....she is too sensitive to being with people she does not feel comfortable with.

And I could bring her, but she would become very clingy...and even if I could put her in front of the tv to watch Dora, what is to stop her from wandering around my room (or getting out) and falling and hurting herself...or worse...someone grabbing her when I'm not looking.

I've had my evaluation...I can't be fired....and the options are a) bring her or b) don't go to the night.

I've emailed a work friend who does not have a classroom, who SR knows well, if she would sit and watch her in my classroom if she does not have curriculum night commitments of her own that night.

Another friend suggested that I ask a friend who I am comfortable with, to come and spend the evening just watching her watch Dora or playing at my school in my classroom.

I don't think my principal will go for this, but she may if the alternative is that I don't come.

Look, when push comes to shove, my family is more important than this night (which technically is voluntary).  I don't think I can be fired for not having a babysitter...I have a union - but I've already stated before that I'm not going to talk politics.

I need to sleep.  This week has been LONG.  In other quick news, my class is shaping up....I think they have potential.

First day back...

Today was my worst first day back to school in twelve years of teaching.  Last year was my BEST group ever!  This year is going to be much more challenging.  I won't elaborate except to say that by lunch time I was already on the phone with my mom crying that I wanted to go home to be with SR.  Thirty minutes later, I was crying to a colleague.

The first day is usually the easiest day of the school year - the students are USUALLY on their best behaviour, saving their true colours for when they are comfortable.  So, if this is the BEST behaviour, I can't imagine what is to come.

Don't get me wrong, I'm firm and fair and fun....but after today, I don't know if we'll get to the fun part.

To top it off, I picked up SR, but spent so much time in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, that I really didn't get much time with her this evening.

I keep saying to myself that at the end of each child is a parent who loves him or her as much as I love SR.

Hoping to make it an early night...I have an early RE appointment before going back to work tomorrow.  I wish SR would stop singing in her bed - I love it so much, but I feel bad that she's short-changing herself from sleep as I need to wake her an hour early tomorrow morning to get to daycare and then the clinic before work.

I have a follicle!!!

A quick update and then to work trying to order 100 prints from blacks for $10.  Like this is what I should be doing the day before back to school, but the promotion is only good until Tuesday.

This morning I went in for my SHG (sono) and b/w and u/s.  It is a pretend CD6 - no period and we didn't use meds to initiate one.  We are just pretending I'm having a cycle to get things started.  On Friday, CD3, there was nothing to report....very thin lining and MANY small eggs...the usual u/s for me.  But somehow, three days later, there is a natural development.

My lining has thickened and I have a growing follicle - 1.5cm.  Even with Clomid that didn't happen.  So it looks like I could potentially ovulate on my own.  Also, it means my test cycle may be shorter than I thought it would be.  I'm not sure what cycle day a 1.5 cm follicle would be, but I'm thinking that I could be further ahead than CD6.

I'm going in Wed. morning to have follow-up b/w and u/s and then again on Friday.  This is going to be an exhausting first week of work.  But it could mean that my transfer will be sooner than expected if this cycle is over faster.

All I have left to do this cycle is the uterus biopsy (hopefully on a weekend so I'm not running late to work) and that's usually done shortly before the period happens.

Excited!