Poor Little J-Bear

I just feel my little J-Bear can't get a break!  I've listed all of his ailments before, but I'll recap:

• Severe Diaper Rash for the first many weeks of his life  - mommy burned his bum by eating citrus
• choked when mommy introduced the bottle - rushed to hospital in ambulance - no more bottle
• croup, croup, croup, croup!!!!  - One hospital visit, now we keep the steroid filled and at home
• coughing throughout the winter and lots of colds
• Asthma diagnosis - uses puffers when wheezing
• Still wakes to breastfeed all night
• Doesn't Eat
• Now stands up in crib and won't sleep because he only wants to stand up.

THIS MOMMY IS EXHAUSTED!

I'm sure I've forgotten something.  Now let's add IRON DEFICIENT to the list.  He's not even 11 months yet! And he's gone through so much.

So Wednesday I took him for a blood test (after I backed my car into my dad's car).  This was horrible.  The first arm they couldn't get any blood, and they kept moving the needle around in his arm as he screamed.  I nursed him afterwards and then they tried again on the other arm and got the vials of blood - followed by more nursing.

Today I got a call from the Pediatrician.  My J-Bear is low on iron.  He didn't say how low.  But he told me the Iron Supplement to get and how much to give.  2mL 3x per day.  But the bottle says to give max 2.75mL per day - my J is supposed to take 6mL per day.  That's a huge difference.

J threw up four times this afternoon after one dose.  My mom even went out and bought gravol and I gave him half a dose of that so that I could finally nurse him to go to sleep.  

When I called to enquire, the Ped told the receptionist that I should continue giving the iron - WTF?  He threw up 4 times from one dose.  Finally he told her to tell me to stop it for the weekend and start it up again Monday.  That's fine, but I'll be starting it at a much lower dose. I'm hoping to get J in to see the Ped on Monday.

And my poor little SR keeps getting shafted at night - although last night we went to Welcome to Kindergarten at the public school she may attend if we don't go to the private school and it was just SR and mommy.  But this week I've been sick and so has J and she keeps getting shafted at bedtime.  Tonight I even told her she didn't have to brush her teeth or read from her blue bin books (when I have her read to me) because J was so tired.  I guess this is life as a single mom of two kids, and I hope it gets easier.   Also, J is into EVERYTHING these days - and I have to watch him like a hawk.  SR loves him, but does not love when he gets into her prized possessions.

Okay, I really should get some sleep.  I'll keep you posted.

My dad says that I can't hack it....

My dad says I can't hack it as a single parent of two kids.  Is there anything more upsetting?  I'm having an off week, and I'm still living with my parents, so that's part of the problem.

Starting off with a funny anecdote of what we do for our children.

On Saturday afternoon, I took SR and J-Bear to a park we don't usually go to.  It's got that great rubber tarmac so I thought I could watch SR play and J-Bear could crawl around and explore and not be confined to the stroller.  I invited another family to join us thinking they could also be my extra eyes.  But I hadn't been to this park in ages...and I didn't realize that when SR climbed up one part, she could explore all the way to the other side, far away from me.  Plus, there were sooooo many families there (it's at a community centre).  Poor J-Bear was confined to his stroller while I chased SR around and around.  But the funny comes in when we were about to leave.  I mentioned to SR that she would pee as soon as we got back to my parents' place.  Power of suggestion, she wanted to go immediately, even though we were at the car.  Obviously we walked all the way into the community centre (Canada spells centre with r-e), and that bathroom was closed.  So we had to go to the other bathroom.  And SR, didn't really have to pee, but her hairclip fell into the toilet.  I said, "oh well, we have to flush your hair clip".  That didn't go over so well - imagine my over dramatic SR melting down about her hair clip....so yes, I stuck my hand into the public toilet and fished it out.  Luckily she hadn't peed!  I did scrub and scrub my hand....the things we do for our kids!

Okay, so this week, I haven't slept in the past three days....the first night I had insomnia from either drinking coffee too late - I don't drink coffee, I drink decaf tea, but while staying with my parents, I have started to have some coffee since they make it fresh - or taking a tylenol cold and sinus daytime too close to bedtime.  The second night, their house was like a sweat lodge - the a/c broke and it was stifling here....J and I ended up downstairs and my parents woke us up throughout the night.  My dad wakes up early and didn't know we were down here - kept turning on the lights.  My mom goes to bed late and kept coming to the kitchen to make drinks and get snacks.

Then last night, J-Bear started with the wheezing and it turned into croup.  So three nights without sleep....I really can't function at all at this point.

I took J and SR to the pediatrician this morning - SR has a bad cold, she's shared it with all of us - and then dropped SR back at school.  The doctor wants J-Bear to have his iron checked b/c he's looking pale - well, duh, he's 24+ pounds and doesn't eat solids let alone any iron!!!  I've told him at every visit that he doesn't enjoy eating and he wasn't concerned until now.  So I stopped at my parents' for a minute and then was going to take J-Bear to the lab for the blood test.

On my way out, I backed my car right into my dad's car!  Let me say, I never have problems driving.  I have never had an accident that was my fault and I haven't been hit in years and years.  Luckily.  Recently I also backed right into a pole.  I'm starting to think that there is a blind spot when I back up for me to hit a pole and my dad's car - not to mention that I am soooooo completely exhausted.

My dad just asked why I'm not sleeping now while J is sleeping.  B/c I can't sleep with a stuffy nose, and I'll wake him going into the room.

I think we all need a little space around here...my alarm is installed and I was going to try to move in this week....now who knows.  I haven't bought any groceries yet and we need SR's bed and our bedding and clothes and toiletries moved in.  But I did go out and buy a water table for the backyard - I have my priorities straight :)

Here are a few pictures...it will show I have my act together....or else it will just show my cute kids :)  I know I can hack it, and everyone has their moments when things fall apart.  I just need some sleep and everything will look a lot better and more manageable!

When they aren't tackling each other, they can be quite affectionate.

Love his golfer pants.

Pulling to standing any chance he can!  So proud of himself.

SR loves to pretend she's Elsa from Frozen.  We haven't even seen the whole movie yet, and we Fast Forward most of it.  "Mommy, you be Anna and pull off one of my gloves."

The latest on our new home

It seemed like such a great idea.  One choice mom selling her home to another choice mom.  No agents.  No commissions.  I walk away with a house in my price range.  She walks away with the same amount she would have gotten (if not more) after handing over the commissions to the agents.  She had none of the stress of decluttering her home and keeping it spotless for showings.  No disruption to her life.  Her son doesn't need to watch his toys disappear, as SR did, for the decluttering.

But the whole process was a bit of a roller coaster.  From day to day, I didn't know if the seller was going through with selling me her home.  Then once the papers were signed, there were other road blocks.  She delayed the house appraisal appointment which delayed the bank giving me the mortgage, which delayed the closing by a day.

Then she told me the movers flaked out on her the night before we closed.  I gave her my movers....and they showed up at night and moved her out.  EXCEPT....the day we closed, she called to say she still had a lot of boxes and could she leave them in the house?  WTF?  No, you can't leave them in the house.  So I generously offered her the use of the garage for the day....which turned into two days....into three.  On Friday, I told her she had until Tuesday because I needed to move in.  Luckily my stuff is in storage and I'm staying with my parents.  But come on, it's my house now and I need the garage for my stuff and to park my car.

On Friday, she texted me a lovely thanks for letting her have until Tuesday.  She told me she didn't know how she would have pulled it together by the weekend, but Tuesday gave her plenty of time.  And today is Tuesday, and the stuff is still there.  In fact, she's now texted me to say that she's going out of town and cannot get the stuff until Saturday and she'll be making a few trips.

Oh, and I didn't mention the stuff left behind.  How very generous of her to leave some stuff behind for me.  BUT....if she wanted to leave me things, shouldn't she have asked me if I needed/wanted those items?  And yes, some things were nice, but others were broken/not needed.  So I mentioned that when the movers come, to let me know and I'll meet them there so they can bring the "desk" out of the basement.  I was told that the items left for me were left deliberately and if I didn't want the desk, I could put it by the curb.  Why is that my job?

The lawyers are now involved...did I mention the seller is a lawyer?  And my dad changed the garage code so she wouldn't be able to leave behind any more gifts for me.  So now I'm moving in my furniture on Thursday (we aren't ready to live there yet) and I want to use my garage too, but I can't.

I feel like this whole situation has been tainted.  It was supposed to be a nice thing to have one choice mom sell her home to another.  I've been so nice and patient and understanding.  My lawyer told me that this is business and I shouldn't be nice, and she's a lawyer and isn't being nice.

Plus, she didn't follow through, or follow through the way she said she would, on many things.  No one told her we had to close so quickly.

Here are a couple of pictures of the empty house (with the clutter that my dad has been taking over gradually to clear out any trace that I ever lived in their house).  In the end, I know this will be a great home for us, in a really nice neighbourhood and it will all work out.  I'm just frustrated now.

Walking from the front foyer.  Laundry Room walk out to garage on left.  Large square living room and dining room straight ahead, with kitchen behind.

Living room and dining room with gas fireplace.

Ignore the stuff my dad dropped everywhere.  Part of my kitchen!

J-Bear is 10 months!

Dear J-Bear,

I can't believe how fast your first year is going!  You are already 10 months, and you continue to keep me on my toes.  Sleep is still not happening for us, as you wake to feed every 2 hours.  Yes, I know you are old enough to sleep through the night, and people tell me I should be letting you cry.  But you are a big boy and you don't eat.  Am I making excuses?  Possibly.  But you are my baby, and you get so worked up when you are crying.

At ten months, you are crawling.  It started as an "injured army crawl".  You would tuck your right arm under your body and pull yourself with only your left arm.  Now you are crawling slowly, but building up confidence.

You clap just by hearing the word clap.  You can also wave bye-bye and you are beginning to blow a kiss - when I say "blow a kiss" you put your hand to your mouth.

FOOD - you are definitely not a foodie like your sister.  You are so stubborn.  Baby cereal is just not your thing.  In fact, you don't really like purees at all....so I've pretty much stopped making you baby food and just need to finish up what is in the freezer.  But you are so picky with the finger foods you will eat.  Cheerios and shredded cheese you will always eat.  You had a few pieces of chicken the past two nights (I don't eat meat so it wasn't my cooking or feeding it to you).  You really like avocado mashed up, but until I convince you to try it you have thrown a fit and we are both covered in avocado.  Lately you enjoy biting into a banana, but I'm worried that you will take too much into your mouth and choke...so after your first bite, I break it off and pop it in your mouth.  I tried doing the same with avocado tonight (which you love) and that wasn't happening.  But pieces of apple you will pick up and eat.  You love your water and your soup.  I just don't get it....but I know you aren't eating enough calories to fuel your big boy body to sustain you through the night.

We are only a week or two away from moving from Suvta and Zaidy's (my parents) house into our own house....you will have your own room.  I'm convinced that you will sleep longer stretches without hearing me in the room with you.  I think sometimes you wake up because you hear me.  

Hey, it's my birthday!!!

You LOVE your sister, SR, soooooo much.  When she comes home from school you are so excited, kicking and talking and you want so much to play with her.  She loves you so much too, but doesn't like when you crawl to her toys.  But she is very good about sharing with you.

You are really smart - I watch how you figure out how toys work and once you figure out what to do, you are able to do it again and again.  

I love when you give me kisses and when you use both hands to wrap around my neck.  You have the cutest giggle, but you don't give it out for free.  You are a tough cookie.

Today I put you in a shopping cart for the first time.  You did not smile for our entire shopping trip until the ladies at the checkout gave you attention.  

I finally got a pair of shoes to fit your cute and chubby feet!

My little J-Bear. mommy loves you so much.  Mommy loves all of the attention you get about how big your eyes are, and how chubby your cheeks are (red riding-hood theme?).  You are my little snuggle puppy.  I'm really going to miss sharing a room with you - how we would hold hands through the crib to my bed when we were still living in the condo. I love how when you are nursing you reach for my hand, or you tickle my back.  I think you are going to be nursing for a very long time.  How on earth will you go to daycare?  I have definitely ruined you by nursing you to sleep, although I try to make sure you are somewhat awake....sometimes.  

I can't wait to see what you learn this month.

Love, Mommy!