What have I done? I have created a Dora-loving Monster! While at the paediatrician this week, Scarlett started screaming "Da, Da, Da". I looked around and realized she had spotted a Dora backpack from another patient. So, when I saw that Toys R Us had the Dora tent on sale for 11.50 this week, I thought I'd go and get one and fill it with plastic balls (that were also on sale for $10). This morning, while Scarlett was playing in another room, I set the tent up in her room. It wasn't long until she crawled into her room and was mesmerized by what she saw - "Da, Da, Da". She was hesitant about this larger than life Dora in her small bedroom. She approached cautiously throughout the day but was very happy about her new playmate.
All through lunch I heard, "Da, Da, Da", and then we went to a ChoiceMoms get together where Scarlett looked everywhere for anything Dora. She found something high on a shelf and pointed to it and said "Da, Da, Da." Back home at dinner, she wouldn't eat very much - yes she's sick and coughing away - she was working on her pronunciation of "Dora". Sleep? What's that? Scarlett only wanted to be up and playing with her friend "Dora".
So, on one hand, I have a little 15 month old who is obsessed with a little Spanish girl (in Canada we learn French, not Spanish). On the other hand, she has learned to pronounce her R and can say "Dora" properly.
(a side note, I feel so bad...Scarlett is coughing away in her sleep and then moaning every time - I think it's going to be a long night for Mama!)
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tooting my own horn!!
I don't remember if I posted about how I got off on the wrong foot with my new principal. I almost extended my leave at the last minute when I thought I didn't have child care for Scarlett, and then got into our dream day care. In any case, it has felt like a very hard uphill climb trying to earn the respect from my new principal. She had nothing to know me by except the fact that I went against "protocol" just as my leave was coming to an end.
My evaluation is next week and I have felt like I have a lot to prove to her. On the other hand, I do a lot of remarkable things at work with my students. Today I found out that it has not gone unnoticed.
I was called into her office after lunch and asked to shut the door. She started off by telling me that she understands that my evaluation is next week and to keep in mind that this conversation will have no bearing (spell?) on that. I did not know what to expect.
Well, it turns out my efforts have not gone unnoticed. She recognized how effective my teaching is and how I embrace technology, even when I am not comfortable with something new I just jump right on board. I have been asked to pilot a new program next year where I will get to choose $6000 worth of technology to be used in my classroom ONLY. My classroom will be a model classroom for my colleagues to come in and observe. She told me I really would not have to do anything more than I'm already doing, except that the technology will be at my fingertips.
When I decided to become a mom (and a choice mom at that), I was told by my former principal that my teaching would never be the same. I disagree with him completely. I am a much stronger and more compassionate teacher than I ever was before (and I thought I was strong before). It's nice to know that I can do everything. I can be a good parent and be proud of my work accomplishments...and I guess this is a pretty good start, seeing as I've only been back at work for 3 months.
Well, then I made the mistake (or maybe it was a good decision) of confiding in my principal of my intentions. I am very private about my TTC and T42 journeys. But I felt like I owed her the option of choosing someone else for this huge program (and a lot of money to be invested) in case I'd be going on mat leave part way through the year. My parents said that it is not her business and that people take leaves all the time and no one can predict, but I thought a courtesy was in order. My principal said that to rescind this offer would be a human rights issue. She said that the program could always be transferred into another room if I were to go on leave and that she respects that I want to expand my family. I told her that this was top secret and that no one on staff knows and that I no one on staff knew originally when I was trying the first time and only found out when I was 5 months along (after summer holidays).
I'm just kind of floating right now. If my efforts were recognized, then I guess I don't have to be nervous about my upcoming evaluation, although I still have to do a good job. Does it matter that I have no technology lessons planned for this evaluation? I guess not!
On another note, for those of you still plowing through this very long blog, my parents are harping on me together now about T42. My mom went on and on tonight about how they watched Scarlett for four days this week and they have watched her for a total of one month since she started daycare 3 months ago (4 sicknesses of one week at home each). She said she doesn't like getting up early every day and I really need a bigger support team.
But then, as I'm leaving and remind them that they are doing daycare pick-up tomorrow, as they do every Friday, my mom said, "You mean you're not bringing Scarlett to us tomorrow? I'm going to miss her!"
My evaluation is next week and I have felt like I have a lot to prove to her. On the other hand, I do a lot of remarkable things at work with my students. Today I found out that it has not gone unnoticed.
I was called into her office after lunch and asked to shut the door. She started off by telling me that she understands that my evaluation is next week and to keep in mind that this conversation will have no bearing (spell?) on that. I did not know what to expect.
Well, it turns out my efforts have not gone unnoticed. She recognized how effective my teaching is and how I embrace technology, even when I am not comfortable with something new I just jump right on board. I have been asked to pilot a new program next year where I will get to choose $6000 worth of technology to be used in my classroom ONLY. My classroom will be a model classroom for my colleagues to come in and observe. She told me I really would not have to do anything more than I'm already doing, except that the technology will be at my fingertips.
When I decided to become a mom (and a choice mom at that), I was told by my former principal that my teaching would never be the same. I disagree with him completely. I am a much stronger and more compassionate teacher than I ever was before (and I thought I was strong before). It's nice to know that I can do everything. I can be a good parent and be proud of my work accomplishments...and I guess this is a pretty good start, seeing as I've only been back at work for 3 months.
Well, then I made the mistake (or maybe it was a good decision) of confiding in my principal of my intentions. I am very private about my TTC and T42 journeys. But I felt like I owed her the option of choosing someone else for this huge program (and a lot of money to be invested) in case I'd be going on mat leave part way through the year. My parents said that it is not her business and that people take leaves all the time and no one can predict, but I thought a courtesy was in order. My principal said that to rescind this offer would be a human rights issue. She said that the program could always be transferred into another room if I were to go on leave and that she respects that I want to expand my family. I told her that this was top secret and that no one on staff knows and that I no one on staff knew originally when I was trying the first time and only found out when I was 5 months along (after summer holidays).
I'm just kind of floating right now. If my efforts were recognized, then I guess I don't have to be nervous about my upcoming evaluation, although I still have to do a good job. Does it matter that I have no technology lessons planned for this evaluation? I guess not!
On another note, for those of you still plowing through this very long blog, my parents are harping on me together now about T42. My mom went on and on tonight about how they watched Scarlett for four days this week and they have watched her for a total of one month since she started daycare 3 months ago (4 sicknesses of one week at home each). She said she doesn't like getting up early every day and I really need a bigger support team.
But then, as I'm leaving and remind them that they are doing daycare pick-up tomorrow, as they do every Friday, my mom said, "You mean you're not bringing Scarlett to us tomorrow? I'm going to miss her!"
UGGGGHHHHHH! There is just no winning!
A letter to Scarlett on a Thursday morning
Dear Scarlett,
Yes, I think you are the smartest baby that ever was...and not just because I am your mama. And yes, I think it is fascinating the way you are able, at fifteen months, to find and say all of the parts of a face. And yes, I love all of you, including your green boogers that ooze out of your nose when you get really sick like you are now. But please, please, please...do not stick those green boogers in mama's eyes, nose, and mouth, as you reach your fingers to my eyes, nose, and mouth and proceed to label the parts of my face.
The problem is I am a sucker for your cuteness...and I think it is absolutely adorable the way you insist on telling me where my eyes, nose, and mouth are. It helps me remember in case I forget. You are very observant.
But, on Thursday morning, when I wake up with a sore throat and a runny nose, just days before my evaluation, I am not so happy. And yet, I am torn. If you try to show me where my eyes are again, I know I will let you.
Love, Mama
Yes, I think you are the smartest baby that ever was...and not just because I am your mama. And yes, I think it is fascinating the way you are able, at fifteen months, to find and say all of the parts of a face. And yes, I love all of you, including your green boogers that ooze out of your nose when you get really sick like you are now. But please, please, please...do not stick those green boogers in mama's eyes, nose, and mouth, as you reach your fingers to my eyes, nose, and mouth and proceed to label the parts of my face.
The problem is I am a sucker for your cuteness...and I think it is absolutely adorable the way you insist on telling me where my eyes, nose, and mouth are. It helps me remember in case I forget. You are very observant.
But, on Thursday morning, when I wake up with a sore throat and a runny nose, just days before my evaluation, I am not so happy. And yet, I am torn. If you try to show me where my eyes are again, I know I will let you.
Love, Mama
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| "nose" |
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Blogging is the priority
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| I'm pulling out all of my bibs...but don't worry, I always clean up my mess. |
Scarlett got sick AGAIN Sunday night. I was also sick Sunday night (completely unrelated). I guess it was a good thing that I was sick, b/c at 2am I got up and typed supply plans and emailed them to two friends with instructions about where to find certain assignments. I really can't afford to be away from school. I have a lot on the go and my evaluation is next week and I need to try to stick to my plan to make sure my lessons that I want taught at the evaluation are ready to go.
Scarlett only seemed to have a cold Monday morning, and I decided that I would take her to daycare and try to get through my school day. But, as we were bundled up and ready to head out the door, I noticed that familiar goopy guck in the corner of her eye. Colds and pink eye go hand in hand with Scarlett. I knew if I dropped her off, they would only call me back to pick her up.
Luckily I had my plans ready to go, but I didn't want to miss my two preps in the afternoon. My dad said that if I took the morning off, he would watch Scarlett in the afternoon. It worked out perfectly, and I even got to go to tutoring and bring in a few extra dollars for myself.
By Tuesday I knew Scarlett also had yet another ear infection - when she stops eating and sleeping well, that is her telling me she's in pain. My parents babysat all day Tuesday (and today, Wednesday, and they will again tomorrow - I should be paying them $1400/month) and then I took her to the doctor. Sure enough, there is a double ear infection. Her fourth in 3 months. I was given a prescription (in a different family of meds to try a new approach) and a referral to a ped ENT.
I just read about the ENT online and she sounds wonderful. I was freaking out a bit (thanks to Claire for helping me understand tubes a little bit more) about tubes, but according to the reviews the ENT really only does what is absolutely necessary and has a lovely bedside manner (not that Scarlett will notice while she screams that a stranger is looking in her ear).
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| I'm signing (and saying) "please". |
Anyway, I'm off to get ready for bed. I have a 530 page book to read (Hugo) so I can watch the movie in the near future.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
My dad is not happy
I think I'll start with a Scarlett intro - although I really need to just get into bed and should just get right to the point - Scarlett can now "count."...She's not even 15 months yet. I start off, "1, 2,"....she sometimes says "3"....but if she doesn't she then will say, "4, 5" and I keep counting, "6, 7" and Scarlett says "8" and I finish with "9, and 10". Every day I am more astounded by her knowledge. Her vocabulary is so large I cannot keep up. She has stopped saying "more" and simply signs and says please and gives me a cute little grin. Like it is not worth her energy to say the word more, when she knows I really want to hear please :)
So, my dad has been mumbling to my mom about why I shouldn't have a second baby. My wonderful dad who always keeps his opinions to himself (except when he told my mom that he HATED the first name I had originally selected for Scarlett) and is selfless. He drops everything for everyone and dotes on Scarlett like you wouldn't believe. Especially b/c he was never fully on board with my decision to become a choice mom to begin with.
My mom keeps saying to me, "speak to your father" when I talk about T42 - which is funny b/c that's never been an expression used in our home growing up. I guess she's just sick of his mumbling to her and she wants him to tell me directly (which he never says anything negative to me directly - that was always my mom). Today my mom pushed my dad to speak up to me. I guess it was my fault for bringing up the topic in front of him. I was simply asking about if they were available to babysit on a certain morning that I wanted to make an appointment with my RE or if I should book it early and take her with me (it's not for a daycare day).
My dad said, "I don't think you've thought this through. A child needs a father. And are you going to have a boy share Scarlett's room?"....which, if you know my brother's family situation, you may find that amusing. My brother is ULTRA ULTRA RELIGIOUS. We don't see him. I think of him being in a cult. He has 5 children (and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the next one is on the way). They live in a 2 bedroom apt and all of the children (except the baby) share one small room. Boys and girls. So for my dad to question if I could have a boy and girl share the same room....that was pretty funny. That's what he's wondering if I have thought things through.
I just kind of fluffed him off and turned back to my mom and waited for her response, to which she said, of course she will watch Scarlett, she loves spending time with her.
All things aside, I think b/c I know my dad feels I am "wronging" Scarlett and baby to be by not providing them with a father, I have only asked for help a couple of times (other than babysitting which they love to do). There were a few times where my dad ran out to the drug store for me at night so I wouldn't have to take Scarlett with me to fill a prescription for her (something I could have done, but they insisted - but I get a lecture after that telling me that I need "help"). Once I asked for my mom to come over when Scarlett was about ten weeks old b/c I really wanted to eat dinner and she just wouldn't settle, and it wasn't convenient, and I got a lecture about the fact that I need "help". This taught me not to ask for help. I don't need the lecture. And so I became VERY efficient at doing things. Don't get me wrong, my family does HELP me so much. But some of it is b/c they don't want me taking her to run errands when they can play with her - so I get to go to the grocery store myself, get the groceries home and then go and pick her up. But it is at their insistence that I do that, not mine. They do a lot of babysitting - mostly so I can tutor or go to appointments...and occasionally I ask for some social time out, but that is very rare and I get only specific times (like a weeknight where I can leave my house at 8pm and I must be back by 9:30). However, I think my parents are doing daycare pickup on Thursday so I can go straight from work to see the Hunger Games with a friend. I'll still have Scarlett home in time for bed.
How do I make my dad see that I can provide for my children? Let's face it, all teenagers hate their parents at some point....mine can hate me for not giving them a father. But I think I'm doing a great job, and my dad is so devoted to Scarlett (also his other grandkids are so far away he never sees them) and I know he will be just as devoted to a future baby.
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| My June cover of Today's Parent - My little Scarlett on the cover |
My mom keeps saying to me, "speak to your father" when I talk about T42 - which is funny b/c that's never been an expression used in our home growing up. I guess she's just sick of his mumbling to her and she wants him to tell me directly (which he never says anything negative to me directly - that was always my mom). Today my mom pushed my dad to speak up to me. I guess it was my fault for bringing up the topic in front of him. I was simply asking about if they were available to babysit on a certain morning that I wanted to make an appointment with my RE or if I should book it early and take her with me (it's not for a daycare day).
My dad said, "I don't think you've thought this through. A child needs a father. And are you going to have a boy share Scarlett's room?"....which, if you know my brother's family situation, you may find that amusing. My brother is ULTRA ULTRA RELIGIOUS. We don't see him. I think of him being in a cult. He has 5 children (and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the next one is on the way). They live in a 2 bedroom apt and all of the children (except the baby) share one small room. Boys and girls. So for my dad to question if I could have a boy and girl share the same room....that was pretty funny. That's what he's wondering if I have thought things through.
I just kind of fluffed him off and turned back to my mom and waited for her response, to which she said, of course she will watch Scarlett, she loves spending time with her.
All things aside, I think b/c I know my dad feels I am "wronging" Scarlett and baby to be by not providing them with a father, I have only asked for help a couple of times (other than babysitting which they love to do). There were a few times where my dad ran out to the drug store for me at night so I wouldn't have to take Scarlett with me to fill a prescription for her (something I could have done, but they insisted - but I get a lecture after that telling me that I need "help"). Once I asked for my mom to come over when Scarlett was about ten weeks old b/c I really wanted to eat dinner and she just wouldn't settle, and it wasn't convenient, and I got a lecture about the fact that I need "help". This taught me not to ask for help. I don't need the lecture. And so I became VERY efficient at doing things. Don't get me wrong, my family does HELP me so much. But some of it is b/c they don't want me taking her to run errands when they can play with her - so I get to go to the grocery store myself, get the groceries home and then go and pick her up. But it is at their insistence that I do that, not mine. They do a lot of babysitting - mostly so I can tutor or go to appointments...and occasionally I ask for some social time out, but that is very rare and I get only specific times (like a weeknight where I can leave my house at 8pm and I must be back by 9:30). However, I think my parents are doing daycare pickup on Thursday so I can go straight from work to see the Hunger Games with a friend. I'll still have Scarlett home in time for bed.
How do I make my dad see that I can provide for my children? Let's face it, all teenagers hate their parents at some point....mine can hate me for not giving them a father. But I think I'm doing a great job, and my dad is so devoted to Scarlett (also his other grandkids are so far away he never sees them) and I know he will be just as devoted to a future baby.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
S Giggling
On Thursday, Scarlett started copying an "oh" sound I was making and was in hysterics. I quickly grabbed the video camera to capture her giggle.
I am just so in awe of her. I accidentally woke her up last night. I went into her room to put away some laundry and I guess she wasn't in a deep sleep at the time. She heard me and sat up in her crib. The door was shut with just a sliver of light coming in. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to hide in the dark, but I didn't want to frighten her. So I opened the door a little to let more light in and softly said hi to her. She reacted as though she had known I was there all along..."hi" she said.
This was at 11pm. I was just about to climb into bed to read. I didn't get to read until 1am. She was not happy about being in her crib. I tried everything. We sang songs, but that just made Scarlett want more songs: "More row, more row" for more row your boat. I gave her milk, I let her watch treehouse (24/7 kids channel on tv) in my bed. She even started to snuggle up against me (which she never does) and doze off, but I was afraid I would fall asleep and Scarlett would move around and fall out of the bed. When I gave her milk, she wanted to "read, read" b/c during bedtime routine, she gets milk and then books. So I read, and read, and read, "more book please" - how can I resist a 14 month old saying and signing three word sentences? So I read and read more. Finally I told her last book and it seemed to do the trick. I was able to put her back in her crib and she slept!
I'm sad that March Break is over. The weather has been beautiful and is only going to be better next week. It's the battle of, I really enjoy my job, but I really enjoy my daughter. There is no happy medium for me here.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Visit with the RE
Yesterday was my second-first visit with my RE. In a way I'm glad my appointment from last Friday got moved to yesterday b/c it meant I got to go to my original clinic and my nurse was working too! It was a nice reunion seeing all of the regular staff and I was greeted warmly. The office has been fully renovated and made bigger. Looking around at all the couples with such serious faces and whispering in hushed tones, I was glad to know that my journey has never come to that. I was always upbeat and optimistic at my previous appointments and felt the same way yesterday. My outlook now, though, is that I have a beautiful baby, and if I can't conceive again it's really okay! My RE is very optimistic that it should be successful - I have 6 embryos (that may or may not survive the thaw) and 3 vials of sperm. My RE does not think I should need the sperm at all - plus my eggs are now older than when they were retrieved in Feb. 2010.
The RE is ready to help me bring on a period at any time - so all my worries about waiting for my next period were for nothing. I told him I'd like to wait until my evaluation is over, in the first week of April. He said come back to see him then and he will give me the meds to get started. If I get a period in the meantime I am to go in for CD3 testing and get the show on the road. The first cycle will include the biopsy of my uterus (like I had last time) to make my lining sticky. Then they will bring on another period and that will be my transfer cycle. So, I could have a transfer by the end of May! The only thing is, if it doesn't work, I have to again go through a test cycle with the biopsy. I guess there's really no rush. I just wanted not to be going through monitoring in September during back to school chaos.
Yesterday I had the full physical exam and 8 vials of blood drawn. Loved that my nurse called to tell me I'm not pregnant. I know it's protocol, but really - no period and no sex really does mean no pregnancy. There should be exceptions made to making the call.
So that's the update - the journey is under way.
In Scarlett news, she is just talking and signing up a storm. She repeats EVERYTHING she hears and sees. I always say "uh uh" when I don't want her doing something. Well, she started wagging her finger at me when she says that back to me. It turns out my mom does a finger wag when she says "uh uh" to her and Scarlett thinks it's hilarious. She not only signs and says water when I ask if she wants it, she will do it on her own now to tell me she wants a drink. And her new thing is "no no no" and takes her hand to push away what she doesn't want - for example, food, drink, a toy.
And the novelty of Scarlett has definitely NOT warn off. I can't get enough of her - watching her, talking to her, playing with her. She amazes me! I hope that giving her a sibling is the right decision for us. I'm giving her a sibling so she won't be alone in life and she'll always have family. Who knows how it will turn out.
The RE is ready to help me bring on a period at any time - so all my worries about waiting for my next period were for nothing. I told him I'd like to wait until my evaluation is over, in the first week of April. He said come back to see him then and he will give me the meds to get started. If I get a period in the meantime I am to go in for CD3 testing and get the show on the road. The first cycle will include the biopsy of my uterus (like I had last time) to make my lining sticky. Then they will bring on another period and that will be my transfer cycle. So, I could have a transfer by the end of May! The only thing is, if it doesn't work, I have to again go through a test cycle with the biopsy. I guess there's really no rush. I just wanted not to be going through monitoring in September during back to school chaos.
Yesterday I had the full physical exam and 8 vials of blood drawn. Loved that my nurse called to tell me I'm not pregnant. I know it's protocol, but really - no period and no sex really does mean no pregnancy. There should be exceptions made to making the call.
So that's the update - the journey is under way.
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| Loving the swing! "Wheeeeeee!" |
And the novelty of Scarlett has definitely NOT warn off. I can't get enough of her - watching her, talking to her, playing with her. She amazes me! I hope that giving her a sibling is the right decision for us. I'm giving her a sibling so she won't be alone in life and she'll always have family. Who knows how it will turn out.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Clock is DEFINITELY ticking again!
I took my class on a field trip to the science centre this week. I spend most of the trip looking longingly at the women with their pregnant bellies or double strollers. I've already done my research for which double stroller I think I want (and hope it will fit in my car). I find that I'm constantly thinking about how I would do whatever it is that I'm doing at the time (such as carrying Scarlett) if I was also pregnant. MY CLOCK IS TICKING. This is great timing b/c I have my appointment coming up at the fertility clinic.
The problem I'm running into is my new-found "cycle". I had originally thought that I would go in March and have my pap and my consult done with my RE and be all set to go after my work evaluation at the beginning of April. The way my non-existent cycle was before, they put me on prevara, brought on a period, and then we started a cycle. I assumed that this would be the same. I would be ready to start after my evaluation.
Now that I have had 2 periods I am tracking my temperatures. Last month I had a 42 day cycle, but my temperature dropped the day before my period came. Now I'm already on day 31 with no sign of raised temperatures...
The dilemma now is that if my RE says I can transfer on my next cycle (without a monitoring cycle) b/c they don't need to do any egg retrieving, then that brings me sometime in the VERY near future...which will coincide with my Evaluation. The problem is I don't want extra stress before my transfer or evaluation...and this isn't necessarily stressful...it's the getting Scarlett up an hour earlier and having her completely thrown off schedule at daycare - that causes me stress.
If I wait until after this cycle, then who knows how long I will be waiting for my next period to come around...and isn't that the way this fertility stuff goes - WE ARE ALWAYS WAITING. I don't think the RE will put me on prevera to bring on a period if I am getting one on my own already.
This is all assumption, and I will have answers in just a couple of days...but I don't know if I can sit around waiting for another 2 months or more to see if I get another period. But my RE might say I need a test cycle first anyway.
In any case, the point of this blog was just that my clock is ticking...again :)
The problem I'm running into is my new-found "cycle". I had originally thought that I would go in March and have my pap and my consult done with my RE and be all set to go after my work evaluation at the beginning of April. The way my non-existent cycle was before, they put me on prevara, brought on a period, and then we started a cycle. I assumed that this would be the same. I would be ready to start after my evaluation.
Now that I have had 2 periods I am tracking my temperatures. Last month I had a 42 day cycle, but my temperature dropped the day before my period came. Now I'm already on day 31 with no sign of raised temperatures...
The dilemma now is that if my RE says I can transfer on my next cycle (without a monitoring cycle) b/c they don't need to do any egg retrieving, then that brings me sometime in the VERY near future...which will coincide with my Evaluation. The problem is I don't want extra stress before my transfer or evaluation...and this isn't necessarily stressful...it's the getting Scarlett up an hour earlier and having her completely thrown off schedule at daycare - that causes me stress.
If I wait until after this cycle, then who knows how long I will be waiting for my next period to come around...and isn't that the way this fertility stuff goes - WE ARE ALWAYS WAITING. I don't think the RE will put me on prevera to bring on a period if I am getting one on my own already.
This is all assumption, and I will have answers in just a couple of days...but I don't know if I can sit around waiting for another 2 months or more to see if I get another period. But my RE might say I need a test cycle first anyway.
In any case, the point of this blog was just that my clock is ticking...again :)
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