So many things happening...

Last week I wrote a really exciting post about my first u/s...but then some helpful readers informed me that the picture I posted had my personal information - thank you so much!!! Instead of just removing the picture my entire blog entry disappeared....

The basics were that the first u/s at 6w2d showed a baby with a strong heartbeat of 129bpm. I don't know if I mentioned before that the reason I had an earlier u/s than 7w was b/c I had brown discharge in the middle of my fifth week. Everything turned out to be fine.

I have my 7w2d u/s on Tuesday (it's Sunday night now)...that's supposed to be my official first u/s. Things have been fine...I've had plenty of pregnancy symptoms: sore and large boobs (especially for my tiny frame), aversion to all of my favourite vegetables (can't eat a single veggie), can only stomach breads and pastas, and nausea.

But again tonight, I have that lovely brown spotting that sends me into a panic...totally freaks me out and makes me think that something is wrong...and maybe there is. Most of the online research says that brown discharge is old blood and nothing to be afraid of...and I'm hoping that's true...but it makes me insane. And I know I just have to get through tomorrow and then is my u/s on Tuesday afternoon.

It's amazing how attached I already am to this little thing inside of me. The idea of not having it growing in me devastates me...and makes me think of all of the women who have suffered m/c in the past....until pregnant, I never understood how awful it must be for women to go through.

I'm just hoping that the brown discharge is telling me to slow down - today was a busy day as I officially moved into my new place - I'm here right now procrastinating bedtime b/c I'm thinking too much.

And I've been an emotional wreck...I am crying at every little thing...and considering I've been living on my own for five years, I don't know why it was so hard for me to move out of my parents' house into my new place now...especially knowing they are just down the street.

On top of all of this: I have this feeling of isolation. No one knows what I'm going through except for a select few people. It is very isolating. I have made tons of excuses to people for why I can't do certain things...I just hope this pregnancy carries through and I can finally start sharing my news with people.

On that note, I'm off to check obsessively one more time before I try to call it a night, before going to check obsessively again :)

Good night from my new home.