What a way to end my pregnancy!

I'm hoping to blog twice today - we'll see if that actually happens...we'll see if I can even get this one finished before SR wakes from her nap.  I should take a nap.  I'm exhausted.

My entire school year was AWFUL!  Being pregnant and going to a job I hated all year was not fun.  Luckily we were in a political protest year and I could arrive 30 minutes before the school day and leave as soon as the day ended.  I must say, I learned very quickly that I DON'T need to be at work extra hours like I used to and that SR could be my priority.  That being said, I would race out the door at the end of the day to get her from her school and we had extra time together.

My school year ended the same way it began - with the most uncohesive group of grade 3 students arguing.  We couldn't even go around and talk about what we enjoyed this year or what we were looking forward to this summer.  Twelve years of teaching grade 3 (with 2/3 splits and 3/4 splits also) and I have never had a group like this...bickering until the end.  And I must say, I'm proud that I never once lost my cool or raised my voice.  I just let them waste their time, and I didn't do any of the fun things I normally do.

A group of grade 8s came to see me recently and were reminiscing all the fun things we did...funny, not one of those things did I get to do with this year's group.  Oh well!

And as the school year wound to a close, my foot got bigger and bigger until it finally looked like this:

One of these things is not like the other.  Wouldn't you think that these feet belong to two different people?  I used to call the left one my RUBBER FOOT, but it doesn't even look like rubber anymore.  It just looks like someone else's foot.

Not sure if you can see what I'm trying to show - but the skin on the outside of my foot is literally ripping right off from stretching so quickly.

Needless to say, all of the fun things I wanted to do with SR up to the end of my pregnancy weren't really able to happen b/c I have a lot of trouble walking - even my flip flops won't stay put.  Elevating doesn't help either.

My trip to the hospital last Tuesday resulted in this lovely bruise on my arm - I have to say, after going through fertility treatments and morning blood work every day, I don't usually bruise...I have really good veins too, so I'm not sure why the nurse chose one on the inside of my arm:

This is the left side, just like my foot - and when the blood was drawn the entire inside of my elbow filled with fluid.  I must admit, when the doctor entered I said, "There's something wrong with my arm" as it looked scarier than my foot did!

 And then this weekend, SR got croup!  Luckily it's been very mild.  The steroid pill seemed to help a lot, as did the humidifier that a friend dropped off.  She is breathing fine today and only coughing a little bit, but still very hoarse.  I'm so glad because this could have been so much worse.

My parents are in a panic - I'm an emotional wreck b/c I am going to miss SR sooooo much over the next few days.  I can't believe it won't be just her and I anymore and I don't know if I'm up for it.  My mom is picking me up at 6am to be at the hospital for 6:30, and my dad is coming to wait for SR to wake up, get her dressed and ready for school - and it's her first splish splash day and they are calling for rain - I think it's going to be a disaster with him getting her ready on his own...and SR is already crying and so clingy to me.

I have prepared her as much as I can.  She helped make her bed at my parents' house.  She watched me pack her suit case.  She took a bath this afternoon with my parents watching to see how I do it - my dad taking notes.  And just thinking about leaving her is killing me.  Absolutely killing me!

I have to tell you, since starting her at daycare it has not gotten any easier.  I miss her so much and I do call during the day often to check in.  I still feel like I'm missing out on things she is doing and learning.  She is so funny and quick witted.

And have I mentioned (yes I have) that she is potty training herself?  I'm keeping her in diapers for this week for sure.  I don't want her feeling pressured and having set backs.  Already yesterday she had accidents, when she hasn't all week.  But she's been amazing, asking to pee almost every time she feels it coming.  Even with diapers on, she knows to ask.  She learned everything else in her own time too - no need to worry.

Now my worries:
a)  How do I hold a baby?  How do I pick up a baby?  How do I breastfeed a baby?  How do I breastfeed?
b)  Is this the right decision for SR?  We are a great family of 2.  But I remember I did this for the long term - so she'll have someone in this world if anything happened to me and/or my parents.  Will she adjust okay to the new stranger in our home?  Will I be able to shower her with all the attention she needs?
c)  Will I be able to cope at home with her and the baby while recovering from my c-section?  My parents desperately want me to move in with them.  I feel being at home is better - but it's the summer and I'll be out walking, and I'll be going to their home (when my dad picks me up to drive me), and my dad will come over in the mornings to get SR dressed and to daycare - I hope it all works out as planned.

One final thing - my doula has let me know she might not be there for me tomorrow.  Another client who is due later in July was having early signs of labour.  I guess it's first come, first serve, and whoever is left out gets the doula on call.  I'm not going to worry about it.  I just need someone beside me through the c-section.   Plus, I think my doula should have a reduced rate for scheduled c-sections.  I mean, she's only there for a couple of hours and doesn't have to do much to get me through - and last c-section I was sedated, so she was in a different room anyway.

Okay, off to write my letter to baby boy, b/c I think my parents are borrowing my monitor for the week - theirs conked out and I don't think I'll need it from the hospital :)