My last week in my home...

It's funny how during the days, when I so badly want to blog but don't have the time, I have the most profound/eloquent thoughts that would read beautifully in my blog.  And yet, by the time I sit down to type, nothing comes out the way I intended, either due to the thought passing or my being too tired.

In any case, this is the last Tuesday I will spend in my condo.  I move next Monday.  Up until this point, I was feeling excited about getting out of my condo.  Lately, there have been more negatives than positives and I just don't feel like this is our home anymore - SR used to hug the door and say "home" after running from the elevator.  But reflecting now on my 4 years here, I see how much my life has changed.

I bought my condo in the construction phase while just deciding to become a Choice Mom.  I sold my one bedroom and moved in with my parents while my current condo was being built.  When I finally moved in, May 2010, I was very very very newly pregnant with SR - so new that I was still going for Beta/HCG testing every two days.  I moved into this condo a single woman, filled with so many questions about what my life as a choice mom would be like.  I leave here with my family!!!  My overly dramatic and talented three year old SR and my cute as a button, already on the move, doesn't eat or sleep J-Bear.  I created two lives since moving here.  This is the only home they know.

SR learned her numbers riding the elevators day after day.  She performed in the lobby many times.  She puts on her "hallway clothes" to walk my mom to the elevators or to walk/run in the lobby - the definition of hallway clothes:  the most ridiculous looking get-ups by mixing a variety of hats, scarves, purses, sunglasses, sweaters and walking around in public hallways....

It is our home - our small home, but it's been a wonderful start for us.  

I'm only moving 10 minutes (more in rush hour) north of here.  I work across the street (basically) and I always said how close I live to work....so why all of a sudden, does it feel like I'm moving so far?  Today I'm feeling anxious about moving far away from my parents - far because they won't be around the corner anymore.  I'm giving up a lot of help - if I stayed in this area, my dad would have taken J-Bear to daycare every morning, while I took SR to school - one drop off versus two.  If I stayed in this area, it's easy to drop my kids off at my parents' house if they are sick as it's right here.  If I stayed in this area, J-Bear could go to the daycare/preschool that SR has been at for 2 1/2 years...instead, he will start there and then I will transition him 2 months later into a centre closer to my new home - a baby in a toddler room.  And SR thrived in this centre, not to say J-Bear won't thrive in his new centre....but he does have to adjust to two different daycare centres in two short months - how fair is that? :(

But the opportunity to buy this house from a fellow choice mom without any agent's commissions was a great opportunity.  The house is not even 6 years old.  It's a really spacious town house, and it's in a nice neighbourhood.  I have one VERY close friend on the street, and two other friends/acquaintances.  Although SR may go to private school for Junior and Senior Kindergarten, the public school in the area is so brand new, they are still building it.  She will definitely be there for grade 1 and maybe for JK in the fall.  There is a brand new park beside the school, right around the corner from this house.  I can picture us making wonderful memories and friendships.  

But I also have to learn to stand alone - my mom can schlep down to me each night at dinner in rush hour wall to wall traffic (a ten minute drive becomes much longer).  It's not a condo, so if something goes wrong, I need to figure out a way to fix it without calling the superintendent.  I need to clean a house double the size of my condo.  

But we will have a place to keep our bikes, rather than going to my parents' place to ride bikes.  We can keep the baby pool in the back yard, rather than me begging my parents to fill it so we can come over to play.  We can step outside to get fresh air, rather than getting all dressed and walking through the whole building just to get outside.

SR loves looking out the window while she eats her meals.  She comments on the traffic, the weather, the airplanes, the birds.  In our house, she'll see our backyard.  But, J-Bear will soon be sitting with her and they will soon engage in their own silliness together and she'll forget all about what she used to do.  

So many thoughts....so much to worry about.  In the meantime, I'm moving into my parents' house next Monday.  I close on my current home on Tuesday, and on my new home on Wednesday.  Then I will do some little things in the home to prepare before I book the movers.  I already have the cleaners coming next Thursday.  

And now it's 10:00pm....I still haven't cleaned up from dinner.  I still haven't gone through all the papers I intended to go through/pack tonight....and J-Bear wakes up every two hours.  Everything into the dishwasher and I'll wipe down the table in the morning.  I'm glad I got to blog tonight!  It's nice to have a computer.