Last Day!!!

I haven't blogged in ages!!! I don't know if it was laziness or if work/life got in the way. I'm kind of regretting it now because I have had an eventful pregnancy. Since I started the third trimester I have been on watch for pre-term labour. Had the celestone injections to boost the baby's lungs. I was sick a couple of times. I have had multiple u/s to check my cervix length which shortened rapidly. But the baby stayed put!!! Over the last several weeks, my left foot/ankle/calf/knee/theigh have swelled and swelled until it is no longer recognizable as a foot anymore. There is no blood clot, but also no explanation for why I only have swelling on one part of my body, and why it has gotten so severe.

Tomorrow I will meet my little baby. She will only have been in the womb for 37 1/2 weeks, but that is the day my OB was able to do my c-section. People keep asking if I'm nervous or excited. I think I'm in denial. Yes, I want to meet my baby. But I'm also terrified that I don't know what to do with a baby. I'm afraid of being in the hospital on my own with a baby, recovering from surgery and not knowing what to do, and not having the help from the staff that I know I'm going to need. I can't worry about it. It will be what it will be.

I am still not set on her name either. I've had all this time to prepare and think and choose. Maybe when I meet her it will all make sense and her name will match her little face....

In the meantime, I'm going to get through my last day/night of being just me...why do I feel like crying if this is what I wanted so much? Is it apprehension? Is it nerves? Is it that I'm just not feeling great today?

I think I will be back to blogging after the baby comes...I forgot how good it feels to put my thoughts down.

Next time I write, I will be a mommy :)