It seemed that my post last night was very matter-of-fact. Today I feel overcome by sadness. It could be from the sheer exhaustion from two nights of no sleep, but I'm sure it's combined with the feeling of loss. The loss of potential life. The loss of a sibling for SR. The loss of the add-on to my family.
The medication was not as bad as I had read about online. There was cramping yes, but Advil seemed to work fine to combat that. The worst part was the chills and the thirst. There is nothing I hate more than being cold. And as I barely drink anything normally, to be consuming so much fluid was really hard on me. I think I put on 3 pounds of water weight last night.
But there was very little bleeding...not even sure I've had the proper clotting. Part of never getting a regular period means I don't really know what I'm looking for. I have an appointment scheduled with my RE for tomorrow afternoon, but I think I'll hold off...after all, I was only expelling a sac of 8mm...that's really nothing...plus lining. I have a follow-up ultrasound next Wednesday to make sure everything expelled properly.
I am really hoping that things move quickly. My numbers drop down, I get a period or my RE brings one on by the end of August would be nice. September is such a busy month with back to school that if that is my test cycle month, although it would be stressful with back to school and early morning monitoring, I think it will go fast. But I can't predict how my body will react.
The silver lining, if there is one, is that if I can conceive in October/November and I go to term, then I won't have to worry about having two kids in daycare at once...SR starts JK at 3 1/2 just as new baby would be starting daycare. So that would be the silver lining.
I am also sad to think of the many women who have miscarriages. It is just so sad to lose a life, no matter how far along.
I'm at my parents' now. They are playing with SR for an hour and I am just taking some down time. I feel badly b/c we missed our library program today. I enjoy our programs together so much as I know our summer time is brief and soon I'll be back at work. Actually I've been a bad mommy letting SR sit and watch TV throughout the day. We did have many tea parties, played with the ball, tried on clothes, built a castle, but there was a lot of TV. I guess on days like this I can't beat myself up over the extra TV time.
I'm going to try to catch up on some of the blogs. Lose myself in your adventures!
Definitely don't beat yourself up over TV time. As much as you're going through physically and I'm sure emotionally, you deserve so much downtime.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sad you're going through this. It's such a heavy loss of both a dream and of a reality. You're very levelheaded and handling it very well it seems. I'm thinking of you all and will keep you in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Take your time and don't feel guilty about TV-time. The loss of our possibilities is a sad, sad thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry about your loss. You should allow yourself to grieve and recover however and however long you need to - no need to worry about a little extra TV right now.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry. I had hoped for better news - your miracle - yesterday.
ReplyDeleteSending you much love.
Take the time you need & don't feel guilty. I'm sorry you're having to endure this, no woman should have to.
ReplyDelete