So much time has gone by...

I haven't posted in a long time.  I find I barely ever turn on the computer at night anymore.  And I have so much to share and yet it doesn't seem suitable timing as my life goes on and so many families are faced with such grief that I don't know how they are functioning without their little ones.  I have read all of your blogs.  I have read about each of the children and think about how they are all like the little ones I teach.  I hold my daughter tight and tell her again and again and again how much I love her.  This is all I can post on this topic.

Briefly:  My nausea has been TERRIBLE.  Nights are the worst.  I can eat breakfast, and lunch on most days.  Dinner has become a disaster.  I have found solace in sour patch kids and sour skittles, Clementines, blueberries, apples,  and oatmeal.  I am also losing a little bit of the weight I gained, which worries me b/c I was and still am quite under weight.  I don't want my weight to interfere with this pregnancy.

Tomorrow I am 11 weeks.  My last u/s was at 9 weeks and everything was measuring on schedule.  My next u/s is next Thursday, so one week to go.

I walked the picket lines last week.  I am out of shape.  I can't even remember what it was like to work out 5-7 days a week....but my body was certainly reminding me that although I am small framed, I am not in any sort of shape at all.

I continue to count down the days until holidays - I just can't seem to enjoy my job at all this year - going through the motions to get through.  I feel bad wishing for each weekend b/c I'm almost wishing SR's time away too, but I need to get through each week in a hurry to get out of there.  I normally don't even check my work email unless I am at work anymore due to the anxiety it causes me.  But tonight I went into the system to book a supply teacher and I checked my email.  I had to log out immediately.  It was just too much for me.  So weird b/c I've never felt anxious about work in my 12 years of teaching before this year.  It all stems from one thing, but I can't get into that here.

Tomorrow is SR's school birthday party.  I am so excited.  I had to buy cake mix, icing, and sprinkles.  They make the cake as part of the activities.  I get to show up at snack time (3:00 p.m.) and enjoy the party with her, and then we leave a little something in every child's cubby.  The only downfall is that there have already been 2 celebrations this week, one on Monday and one Tuesday.  These kids are all partied and caked out! December is a busy birthday month at the school - and really SR's isn't for another week and a bit, but she won't be there.

I didn't get to post at all about SR's Chanukah.  When I moved out of my parents house many years ago, my dad gave me a menorah.  So funny how this year I took it out of the box for the first time.  It's amazing how children help us enjoy the holidays.

The other morning, SR saw her new Sesame Street table and chairs set up in the living room.  I explained to her that it was a present from mommy for her birthday.  She said, "It's so special, Mommy!"  I'm not sure where she comes up with these things.

Lots more to write about but I have to start writing cards to SRs teachers to give them their holiday gifts tomorrow and I'm EXHAUSTED!!!